I was sitting at my computer in the darkness of the office, with only my desk light on, trying to get as much work done as I could before anyone else came into the building. Yes, I was here two hours earlier than I was supposed to be. It was not how I wanted to start my Monday, but it was the only thing I could think of that would keep me distracted long enough to not think about Greg. If I looked at my blank phone in that empty apartment one more time, I was going to chuck it against the wall.
When I had gone home Saturday I tried to busy myself by cleaning my apartment, even going so far as to ignore Erica and Alexa’s texts to get drinks. When it got dark outside and I still hadn’t heard anything from Greg, I started to get worried. At one point I even went into my room and tried to listen through the wall to see if I could hear him. Nothing.
I made sure to lie on the couch, just in case I couldn’t hear the door knock in my room, but still nothing. I had fallen asleep with my phone on my chest and when I woke up Sunday morning, there was still nothing.
I stayed home all day, ordered takeout to be delivered and didn’t move a muscle off my couch. I shot off a text to the girls to let them know I was alive, but going to be a bum. I just needed the day to myself.
And now here I was. Trying to get everything done that I needed to, so I would spend as little time as possible with Greg later today.
By eight, I had finished most emails that I needed to send out— just needed to call a few clients after ten— when other employees started to filter in.
I felt Greg behind me and knew he had come up the stairs rather than the elevator, which was in my line of sight. His hands braced the back of my chair, but I continued to finish the last email that I needed to send today.
When I hit the send button, he leaned closer into me and I could smell smoke on him. Not like cigarettes, but the kind of smoke from a fireplace. Like the fire pit he had on his balcony. He only ever smelled this strongly of it when he was out there for hours upon hours, or even days. I stiffened as I felt Greg’s lips touch the top of my head. He had been home. He had been on the other side of the wall, but not on a date with me. “Good morning, doll.”
Then, just as quickly as he had materialized behind me, Greg disappeared. I looked over to where Erica sat in the cubicle next to me, like she was trying to pretend she was busy. I got up from my chair and made my way towards her.
“Ready to talk now?” Erica didn’t look up from her computer when I got to the desk and she continued to thumb through her email.
“Not really.” I propped myself up on her desk and the weary look she side-eyed me with had me knowing I was in deep shit. “I just don’t know what to say.”
I swung my legs back and forth, thinking about how Alexa used to come over to my desk and do this exact same thing.
“Maybe that’s the problem, babe.” Erica was looking at me now with sympathetic eyes. “Maybe you just think all of this is too hard, when it really isn’t.”
She nodded over to Greg’s office and I turned around to see him standing there watching us. He was leaning against the door jam and raised his right hand in a small wave before entering his office and closing the door.
Maybe she was right, but I didn’t bring it up again and neither did she nor Alexa. We let it slide for the day.
When I came in on Tuesday and Wednesday, Greg greeted me the same way he had on Monday. A kiss on the head before he silently headed into his office. We never actually spoke to each other, but instead he would email me. I made sure to leave before him both days, but when Wednesday ended, I knew we couldn’t be distant anymore.
I made my way to leave early as I had the past two days, but instead of my exiting the building alone, Greg made his way out behind me.
“Let’s walk over together.” He opened the door to the building and placed a hand on my lower back to guide me out. I had called Tessa yesterday and asked if we could move our session to a little earlier. When she agreed, I made sure Greg knew this morning by sending him an email when I got into the office. He hadn’t seemed mad that I had changed it without talking to him first, but I wasn’t convinced. The silence between us while walking to our session could have been cut with a fucking knife. The tension could have been seen from space. Even though we were right next to each other, it felt like we were miles apart.
We made it all the way to the building and into the office without speaking another word to each other. It wasn’t until Tessa forced us to talk about our first date and how it went.
“Let’s just jump right in, since that seems to be working for you two. Tell me how it went.” Just as usual, I was on one side of the couch and Greg on the other, with Tessa sitting in front of us in an annoyingly tight dress with her pad and pen ready to go.
I looked over to Greg, who was already looking at me with raised eyebrows, a silent question of whether I wanted to start the conversation or would let him lead.
“Look.” He readjusted himself so that he was faced towards me. It was becoming his usual stance when he just wanted to talk to me and not focus on Tessa. “I’m not mad. At all.”
My eyebrows scrunched together and I’m pretty sure the look I gave him made it seem like something rank was in the office.
“What would you be mad about, Greg?” Tessa questioned him.
“About us not going on our first date.” I looked over to Tessa, just to see her reaction, because I knew why we didn’t go on our first date, and that was because Greg never made any plans, but I was way past confused on why he would be mad, even though he wasn’t.
“What’s your input on this Lilly?” Tessa turned the conversation over to me and Greg motioned for me to answer.
“We didn’t go on a first date and I’ll be honest—at first I was hurt and now I’m just confused.”
“Why do you feel that way?” Tessa leaned forward in her chair, long gone were the pen and pad, which were sitting on the table next to her. I think this was the most she’d ever gotten from us that didn’t involve quick banter and then silence.
“Well,” I adjusted myself to face Greg, the same way he had done to me. “I saw you on Saturday and I thought we had a really good conversation, but then I never heard anything from you that night.”
I paused for good effect, but when I saw him about to speak up, I held up my hand to continue.
