“It’s fine. I wouldn’t mind the extra work.” I didn’t want to tell him that he had planted the seed of moving departments, that that was where my mind was heading. I didn’t want him to know that he had that much influence over me. “I should be getting homenow.”
“I can drive you.” Max pointed down to a pickup truck. It was completely different than the town car I had seen him in lastweek.
“That’s okay. I live across the street.” I smiled wearily athim.
“At least let me walk you. You don’t need to be getting injured this early into the job.” He took another step backwards, his laughter finally filling the space between us. I felt a strange tug in my chest. I didn’t like it. It was the kind of feeling I got when I read my books, when you started to like the one person you shouldn’t. The types of feelings that led to something more. I didn’t know what it was about Max, but something drew me to him—not physically but mentally. He was smart, and that drew me to him, even though he was an arrogant ass. I wanted to get to know more about him, but on a professional level, and maybe even one day, a friendlevel.
“I’m fine, Max. I’ll be safe. I promise.” I turned around, but this time before I crossed the street I looked both ways and made my way towards Lilly’s apartment. Before I headed into my building, I turned around to where I had been standing with Max. I caught his stare just as I had on Friday night when he left me. My heart leapt a little, and I pushed the feelings down deep inside of me to lock away. I made my way up to the apartment without another thought. I couldn’t have any more of those thoughts. The lights were off except for the one in Lilly’s bedroom. I made my way quietly across the apartment and to mybed.
I lay there for what seemed like hours, thinking about my conversation with Max earlier today and then the one at the curb just before coming home. I picked up my phone again and dialed Adam. It was only eight, but I needed peace of mind from my husband. On the second ring, the line finally pickedup.
“Hello?” Adam’s voice soundedgroggy.
“Adam.” My heart sank. He hadn’t even known who it was when heanswered.
“Alexa.” His voice sounded tensenow.
“Did I wakeyou?”
“Nope.” I heard the loud pop of his P. “Just a little tired from not sleeping atall.”
Worry filled me. I hadn’t meant to keep him awake. I knew he worked nights, and I hadn’t even taken into consideration that he wouldn’t be able tosleep.
“I’m sorry. I should have answered the phone.” I whispered the words, scared that if I didn’t sound sorry enough Adam wouldn’t believe me. I brought my hand to my mouth, biting on one of my nails. It was a habit I hadn’t entertained for a long time, but I didn’t know what else todo.
“You should have.” His words were hard and tears were starting to form. He had completely disregarded my apology. “I didn’t know what to think. I thought you were dead at onepoint.”
“I’m so sorry.” My words broke out of me as asob.
“Don’t. I need to know you won’t ever do something like that again. That you won’t leave me like that.” The words were like a knife to the heart. I had hurt the man I loved, but then I thought to how hurt Iwas.
“I promise.” This was the second time I said this tonight, and this time I didn’t know how true it was. Would I break this promise to Adam? I didn’t know where these thoughts were coming from, but I knew during this conversation that something had completely changed. That my marriage was changing and I didn’t know how to stopit.
“I’m going to get ready forwork.”
“Okay.” I felt as low as I could feel rightnow.
“I love you,Alexa.”
I sighed at that. “I love you, too.” I caught my breath. “Adam.” I hung up. I had said Adam. I had. I knew I had. But before saying his name, I had to stop, because I had almost said something different. I had almost said Max. It wasn’t necessarily that I loved Max, but it seemed like he was consuming my every thought. I didn’t know what to think, so I turned into the pillow and cried myself to sleep, knowing that sleep could cure almostanything.
