If he’d walked into the kitchen wearing one of those ridiculously tiny pyjamas he seems to love, I think I would’ve lost it.
I probably would’ve pushed him up against the wall and kissed him, just to finally know what his mouth tastes like.
I would’ve kissed that pale, elegant neck, held his slim waist, and
No. I have to stop. Right now.
I can’t spend the whole day half-hard and completely unhinged.
The truth is, whatever’s happening between me and Sebastian… it’s not just some passing thing. And pretending otherwise isn’t helping anyone.
Last night, tossing and turning in bed, I realized I can’t keep doing this.
I can’t keep pretending that I’m fine, that I’m still in love with Maddie, that nothing’s changed.
But everything has changed.
I care about Maddie deeply. I always have.
But that mix of friendship, affection, and attraction I felt for her? I thought it was enough. I thought itwaslove. Then Sebastian came along and rewired everything.
I’m not saying anything will happen between us. I know it won’t. I know itcan’t.
But that doesn’t mean I can keep living a lie.
And every minute I wait to be honest with Maddie feels more and more like betrayal.
She deserves better than that.
It’s late in New York, probably close to midnight.
She might be asleep, but I type out a message anyway:
Remi: HEY MADS, HOW ARE YOU?
CAN WE TALK SOMETIME SOON?
I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT.
WHEN WOULD BE A GOOD TIME FOR A VIDEO CALL?
THANK YOU, R.
My stomach twists as I hit send.
She has no idea what’s coming. And it’s going to hurt.
But dragging this out would be worse.
Once I’ve told her, I’ll need to start thinking about the flat.
It’s in both our names, so I’ll probably have to move out.
But that’s a problem for another day. One thing at a time.
I pick up my phone again and send Seb a quick message.
The others want to head out after dinner, hit up a club in Soho, have a few drinks, and dance a bit. Honestly, I’m not really in the mood.
