And I understand. He doesn’t have to say more.
One panic attack onstage, and everything he’s worked for could fall apart. No orchestra would take the risk. No concert hall would book him. His insurance would skyrocket. His reputation, gone.
It’s not just the anxiety, it’s everything it represents. The risk, the stigma, the weight of what it could cost him. So we stay like that for a long time, wrapped in silence, breathing together in the stillness. No words, no pressure, just the quiet comfort of being there, fully present, holding each other up.
Eventually, I shift slightly and tilt his chin up until his eyes meet mine.
“Panic attacks can be treated, right?”
He nods.
“Then don’t give up, Seb. There are amazing specialists here in London. If the therapy in Paris didn’t help, maybe something different will. Francis is finishing his training at St. Thomas’,and he knows a lot of doctors. He could help you find the right one.”
“I know,” Sebastian says softly. “Actually… that’s one of the reasons I wanted to spend the summer here.”
I nod. “Then I’ll text Francis now, and…”
“No.”
He lets go of my hand, his voice suddenly firm.
“Not yet. Please. I just… I need a bit more time.
I trust you, Remi. And I appreciate everything you’ve done, really, but I’m not ready to share this with anyone else. Not yet.”
I nod again, instantly. Of course, I won’t push him.
He doesn’t owe me anything.
Still, I know he can see the worry on my face, because his expression softens.
“I swear,” he says quietly, “I’ll talk to Francis. I’ll find someone. Just… not today. These episodes don’t happen often, I’ll be okay until then.”
I want to believe him. I really do.
And I know the only thing I can do now is respect his boundaries and be there for him if it happens again.
But I make one thing clear before letting it go: if anything like this happens again before he gets help, we won’t wait anymore.
Not even a day.
Once we’ve reached a kind of agreement, Sebastian gets to his feet and, completely unfazed, announces that he’s going to get ready for the theatre.
I stare at him, stunned.
“You’re kidding, right? After what just happened?”
He shrugs, already heading down the hallway, then glances back at me with that familiar, mischievous grin.
“Come on, Remi. I’m fine. Don’t even try to talk me out of it. I’ve been waiting to see this show for weeks.”
And just like that, he disappears into his room, still grinning.
I stay frozen for a few seconds, trying to process everything, then finally shake my head and make my way to my own room to get ready.
Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what to make of the boy who’s been wandering around my flat lately.
But one thing’s clear: there’s a lot more to Sebastian than meets the eye.
