“I know, Mama. I’m just trying to teach her from my mistakes.”
“And that’s the problem. Sometimes you have to let them make their own mistakes so they will learn. Sometimes, it’s the only way to learn,” Grandma declared.
“Thank you, Grandma,” I replied, resting my head on her shoulder.
“It’s okay, sweetums. Now let’s finish watchingMiracle on 34thStreet.” Grandma patted my leg and pressed play on the remote control to resume watching TV. Just as Belle was my mom’s baby, I was my grandmother’s baby. She protected me and showered me with love and affection. I prayed that my daughter and mother had a close relationship when Belle got older the way my grandmother and I did. I had a close relationship with my mother, too, but my grandmother spoiled me.
We had watched just over half the movie when my grandmother declared, “Lord, someone’s house must be on fire.”
“Why do you say that, Grandma?” I asked.
“Look at all them red lights, sweetums,” she stated, pointing out the window.
My mother shifted Belle in her arms and stood to walk to the window. She pulled the curtains back. “Mm. What’s going on? They’re in front of our house, but I don’t see a fire anywhere. Lord, I don’t think our kitchen or any other room is on fire. We would’ve smelled it.”
She shoved Belle into my arms and rushed to the kitchen to see if there was any smoke coming from there. I stood to go to the window just as Mommy rushed back from the kitchen. “Nothing is going on there.”
She rushed to the door with my grandmother, Belle, and me right behind her. When she pulled the door open, she stopped in her tracks, and my mouth dropped open at the sight of Big Red, fire engine number eighteen, and Ginger, Christian’s ambulance, all decked out in colorful, twinkling Christmas lights.
On our lawn stood Mr. and Mrs. Holly, Nicholas, Joshua, and Christian, and they were singing “Silent Night.” My mother clapped her hands in delight, and my grandmother gasped and then laughed. I stared at them as my heart pitter-pattered in my chest and then began to ache. I had not spoken to Christian in two days.
I had refused every text message and phone call that he made to me since leaving the conference center that night. My heart was broken about the conversation that I overheard. There was nothing that he could say that would alleviate the pain that I felt. I told him about how I was reticent about giving my heart to someone else, only to have it broken after the way Jeremiah treated me.
Just to learn that I had been nothing more than a joke between friends, and someone he used to get back at his ex, broke me more than Jeremiah ever had. It also made me realizewhy Erica had behaved the way she had when she saw me at his house. She knew that he wasn’t serious about me, and it made me wonder if he had been trying to get back with her all along. That thought gutted me even more.
Just as I was about to turn around and walk back into the house, Christian stepped forward with a guitar in his hand as he sang Brian McKnight and Vince Gill’s “Christmas You and Me.” His family stepped back while he stepped forward. I was amazed at how well he could sing.
I had heard Christian sing on a few occasions, but not very loud. He was usually humming a tune or singing low under his breath, and that had only been since we reconnected. I could never recall a time when I heard him sing when I was with Jeremiah. I was amazed at how lovely his voice was.
I knew that he played the guitar though. I recalled him fooling around with it back in the day, when Jeremiah and I were together.
Tears filled my eyes as I listened to the lyrics. My heart yearned for him, but I wanted to bolt and run. Christian walked up the steps, still singing, and it felt like my feet were rooted on the porch, unable to move. Belle threw her arms up in the air as she babbled something and then reached for him.
Christian set his guitar down and looked at me with a question in his eyes. My mother and grandmother walked down the steps to speak with his family, and although I wanted to go in the house, I couldn’t be cruel to him or Belle. I nodded and handed her over to him.
“Hey, gorgeous.” He greeted Belle and kissed her forehead. She blew spit bubbles as she grinned up at him and became a babbling mess. Girls. She had it just as bad as I did for this man. Poor baby.
“I didn’t know you could sing like that.”
“I seldom sing. Mama made us boys join the choir from the time we turned five until we turned eighteen. She said that we wouldn’t be using our voices for sinning. We hated it. Guess we seldom do it because it reminds us of that time.”
“Well, you have a beautiful voice.”
“Thanks.”
“I’ve got to go, Chris. I’m not even sure why you came.”
“Listen,” he stated, turning his gaze back to me. “I want you to hear me out. If you’re not feeling a brother after my explanation, then send me on my way, and you never have to speak to me again. Fair?”
I nodded, crossed my arms over my chest, but I didn’t utter a word.
“You walked up on the tail end of the conversation. I know that you didn’t hear everything, because if you had, you wouldn’t have run out the way that you did. But I think you heard just enough to get the wrong impression. When you left to use the restroom, Jeremiah came over to me and asked if he could holler at me for a second. I’m sure you know he ragged my ass about being with you, but I wasn’t going for that.
“He told me how Erica couldn’t wait to tell him about us when she ran into him at the mall. I told him how Erica thought that I was using you to get back at her, which is what we were arguing about the day you came over, and she was there. Jeremiah told me that she said the same thing to him. And she was convinced that was the only reason that I was with you. He said he told her that wasn’t true, that he had always known I was feeling you. So even though he was surprised we were together, he shouldn’t have been.
“I told him that if I was on some shit like that, I could see how she might believe that I wanted her to think that I was settling down, figuring that shit might hurt her ass. I told him that you would be the perfect person to make a nigga look settled. Buttrust me, baby, I never used you to hurt Erica. I don’t give a shit about what she’s got going on. I don’t want her back, and I never have plans on going back to her, even if there were no you and me.”
“Jeremiah always did accuse me of having a thing for you,” I whispered.
