Chapter 1
Angel Snow
“You simply cut your squashes in half like so.” I turned the butternut squash sideways to make sure the camera captured the entire process and then cut into it with the knife. “I’ll scoop out the seeds,” I explained, as I grabbed the large spoon and held it up before scooping out the seeds.
Belle babbled behind me as if I were speaking to her. “I don’t throw my seeds away,” I stated, placing them into a bowl reserved specifically for them. “I use them in other ways, such as roasting and seasoning them for a delicious snack. I add them to soups, salads, and sometimes I eat them in my yogurt. You can also put them on bread, if you’re baking bread, but I haven’t tried that yet; my best friend, Sawyer, has.
“Y’all know from previous episodes that she’s a huge bread fan, but I’m not. Y’all might say, well, Angel, if you ate more bread, you might finally get some weight on that tiny body of yours, but I’m just fine as I am. Just like Sawyer loves her thick-bodied frame, I’m good with my tiny one. If I did gain weight, I wouldn’t be mad, but it wouldn’t be at the hands of bread. I don’t know, I’ve just never been a bread lover. Mommy said thatshe tried everything to get me to eat it when I was little, but the only way I would is if it were balled up and gummy. The thought of that now turns my stomach.” I laughed at my mother’s groan behind me. I knew my viewers could hear her too.
After I scooped all the seeds out, I turned the squash so that they could see the insides. “See, all clean. Now I just place them on this baking sheet upside down. And because this is for my little one, I don’t add any seasoning. I recommend that if you’re making it for your littles that you avoid seasoning it, in case of allergies. If it were for me, you know I’d add lots of seasons. Y’all know our saying, ‘if you ain’t sneezing, it ain’t seasoned.’ But for your littles, the same isn’t true. Their little tummies cannot take what ours can. Now, I’ll place this in the oven at three seventy five until it’s fork-tender. At that point, for those of you who have infants, you can use your food processor to puree it. Now moving on?—”
“Belle? Belle, baby, breathe.”
I turned to look over my shoulder at my mother and six-month-old daughter, Ivy Belle. My baby was red in the face.
“What’s wrong with her?” I asked Mommy as I rushed to their sides and lifted Belle from her high chair.
“Hi, we need someone at 2368 Chestnut Falls Way. My six-month-old granddaughter appears to be choking. Yes, she’s red, and she’s unresponsive. I was feeding her carrots when it happened. Can you please get someone now?” my mother shouted into the phone. “No, I won’t be calm.”
I started CPR on Belle while my mother argued with the 911 operator. As much as I tried to stay calm, I felt the panic filling my lungs and robbing me of oxygen. It felt like my brain was clogged and incapable of creating a coherent thought. I wondered if I was performing the steps accurately and if I had forgotten to do a step. I wondered if I was hitting her little back too hard, and fear told me that I might hurt her.
I stopped performing the CPR methods and turned my baby back over so that I could see her face. She was still red and staring. “Belle, baby, please. Mommy needs you.” I sobbed and flipped her over again. I repeated the steps that I had done before.
I heard my mother in the background talking, but I couldn’t make out a word that she was saying. I honestly didn’t care. The only thing that was going through my mind was the two years that I had worked my ass off to create this beautiful person in my arms at the moment. If I lost her, if anything happened to her, . . . well, they might as well take me because I would be no good.
The tears blurred my vision, but I kept patting her on the back, praying that whatever she was choking on would dislodge. I heard the sirens, but I wouldn’t stop trying to help my daughter.
“They’re here. Thank God!” Mommy cried out.
I felt like I could barely breathe, and I wanted to go back in time a few minutes. Maybe if I had been feeding her instead of Mommy, she would be okay. I wasn’t blaming Mommy, but maybe I could decipher what I had done wrong to her food that caused her to choke. Everything should have been finely chopped up so that it would create no issues.
“They’re here now!” I heard Mommy shout as she rushed to the living room. The squawking of their radios and stomping feet filled my house, and the silence, the peace, and the natural order of things that I was accustomed to were no more. It didn’t matter, though, as long as they could help my beautiful Belle.
They rushed into the kitchen, and someone took my daughter from my arms. I stood idly by with my eyes glued to my precious little girl as they worked on my baby. I felt like I was in the way when I was bumped into twice, and I scooted back a little. I wanted, no, I needed to see what they were doing to mybaby. She needed to feel the comfort of her mother close by. But when I was bumped a third time, my mother politely grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the way. She led me to a stool at the island, and I dropped down onto it.
I watched helplessly as they rendered sharp back blows that I was sure would hurt her and then thrusts to her little chest. Finally, after what appeared to be several minutes but was probably more like long seconds, Belle let out a loud, beautiful cry, followed by coughing. When the male paramedic made sure that her mouth was clear of any foreign objects, he passed her to the female paramedic, who had been assisting him throughout the process.
She patted her back and checked her out thoroughly before she turned around and passed her to me. “Here you go, mom.”
I held Belle so close and let the tears fall. She felt so perfect, so warm, and so soft in my arms. The comfortable smell of milk, carrots, and baby powder tickled my nose, and I buried my face in her soft curls. I didn’t care about anything else except that my baby was okay.
I half-listened with my eyes closed as the female paramedic explained to my mom that Belle had been choking on a couple of carrots. Apparently, she had not swallowed the first but held it in her cheek. When she had gotten the second one, she had moved them around in her mouth in such a way that blocked her air passage before they moved back and choked her.
I pulled her back and kissed her face all over repeatedly, until she squirmed in my arms. I laughed. “Girl, you scared Mommy and Nana so badly. Thank you all so much. I don’t know?—”
The oxygen was sucked from my lungs as I finally looked at the male paramedic. I struggled to find my speech, but after several seconds, I muttered, “Christian?”
It couldn’t be. Oh, God. Why was this happening to me?
My gaze moved over the sable brown face peppered with freckles on his cheeks. The stern expression in those chestnut-brown, wide-set eyes was deceptive because those full, oval-shaped lips were slightly turned into a smirk. But they turned into a full-bloom, beautiful smile when he realized that I finally recognized him. With all the excitement, I hadn’t paid attention to who walked into my house. I was just glad they were here to save my baby.
My mother started talking when I left off, and she prattled on about what happened and the thoughts that she had gone through.
“It’s been a long time, Angel,” he greeted in that bourbon-smooth voice he had with just a hint of smoke.
“Yeah. It has been, Chris.”
“I didn’t know you had a baby.”
