“Okay.”
“It’s just…” She sat up now to look at me, even though she ended up looking down—I swallowed. “I’ve never really cared about having kids,” she lifted a shoulder and then lifted her eyes back to me. “Just the thought of having someone else depend on me made me feel like I was suffocating. And then I built my career and now I’ve built the business… and after my dad died, my family seemed to rely on me more and more until I just felt… depleted.” She picked at something on my shirt, her eyes shiny as they dropped again.
“Does your family know?” I watched her carefully. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel some relief that she’d never ask me for something that I might not be able to give her, but it came with a strange sense of loss. She’d be an incredible mother—her children would be whip smart and incredible too. But if she didn’t want it, she didn’t want it and that was fair based on everything I’d witnessed in our few months around each other.
“They do,” she nodded and then huffed. “But I think they just assume I’ll change my mind, and I’m saying stupid stuff or don’t mean it or get it. And maybe Iwillchange my mind one day, but right now…” she took a deep breath that caught in her throat. “I just can’t.”
I cupped my hand against the side of her face, swiping away the single tear that had managed to escape with my thumb.
“Thank you for trusting me with that,” I leaned forward and brushed my lips lightly against hers.
“Stars you make it so easy,” she rolled her eyes as I pulled away, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth. “How do you do that?”
“Probably the same way you do for me,” I grinned, sitting up to stretch. I needed to move soon or I’d be too stiff to move at all. “I mean shit, Alex, I spent days spinning out over telling you about those test results and when I finally did, you fuckin’ gave me one hell of a response.”
She laughed, her cheeks flaming.
“But if this is going to work, on whatever level we’re explorin’ right now, we’ve got to be open with each other,” I sobered, threading my fingers between hers. “I don’t want you to ever think I’m pulling away from you and I don’t want to find out you’re in crisis from your brother while he’s also threatening to hurt me.”
Another laugh bubbled out of her before she turned more serious as well.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything that was going on,” she whispered, eyes sliding to the side again as she worked to be brave. “You were pulling away at the same time I was pushing, and it wasn’t okay for me to do that.”
“Do you want to tell me now?” I asked, ducking down to meet her eyes. “I’d love to understand.”
“Okay,” she nodded, climbing off the bed. “But I’m… I’m feeling a little uncomfortable and I need to do something while I talk, so I’m going to change.”
“Sweetheart, if I watch you change, we’ll never get to the actual conversation and I’m positive about that.”
“Then close your eyes!” She set her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. “I can’t just sit here—there’s too much energy inside me.”
“Maybe we should go for a walk?” I suggested—I needed air. And I needed to not think about Alex in her underwear. Alex’s little noises as she came undone. Alex squirming under me as I licked—damnit.
“Okay, but can I still change?” She was already unbuttoning the vest with nothing underneath.
“Alexandra, I’m serious,” I bolted off the bed, gripped her shoulders, and gave her a kiss meant to convey exactly what I was feeling before leaving her room and pulling the door closed behind me. Land sakes, she was going to be the death of me.
I busied myself in the kitchen, washing up the coffee mugs from when we’d first arrived and then making her cold brew since they were out of what Enzo had made. My phone buzzed in my pocket.
Apparently I was now part of a group text with Alex, Enzo, and Dom named “the fab 4.”
Enzo:Did you 2 kiss n make up yet?? I’m hungy!!
Dom:alex do you still want pizza?
I spoke out a message:
Me:Hey what if I don’t want pizza
I did want pizza—pizza sounded amazing, but I also wanted to mess with my brother.
Dom:i don’t care what you want shithead. the faster you learn alexandra the great is in charge the better life will go for you.
Alex:pizza sounds great! no peppers please.
Alex:and if Finn wants something else, it’s ok.
Me:Pizzas great
