“And?” I prompted, squeezing his hand.
“Primary hypogonadism,” he responded as if he were reading from the report itself. “Hormonal failure. Testosterone levels are below normal range—maybe fifty percent chance that hormone replacement therapy helps long-term.”
I watched him deliver the news like a mission brief, clinical and emotionally distant, and my heart broke a little for how hard this must have hit him.
“Okay,” I searched his face, eager for him to see how much I cared that he was hurting. “That must have been a lot for you to process.”
“There’s more,” his fingers tensed under mine. “It affects fertility, and—” He paused, and I could see him weighing how much he wanted to say. “Sexual function.”
The words landed between us and his eyes lifted to mine, watching for a reaction. As if he was waiting for me to flinch or tell him it was too much. Instead, my heart expanded, pressing at the walls of my chest as I regarded this brave, honorable man.
I squeezed his hand gently. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Alex,” his voice was rough. “You need to understand what this means.”
“I understand perfectly,” I replied, fierce protectiveness rising up inside me. “It means you’re dealing with medical complications from trauma you sustained serving your country. It means your body is working through some stuff. It doesn’t mean anything else.”
“It means I can’t promise—”
“Stop,” I moved onto my knees and leaned closer, framing his face with my hands. “Just stop right there, flyboy.”
The endearment slipped out before I could catch it, and I watched his expression shift toward hope.
“You think this changes anything about how I feel about you?”
“Doesn’t it?” His question came out barely above a whisper.
“Not even a little bit,” I leaned in to kiss him gently.
“Alex, I…” He curled his fingers around my wrists, resting his forehead against mine as he took a deep breath. “When you said our relationship was fake anyway… I…” He pulled back and looked up at me. “I don’t want it to be. I can’t pretend I don’t have feelings about you anymore. And I know this is a huge bombshell to drop after also confessing that I may never be able to have children, but—”
“Stop,” I laughed, feeling lighter than air at his confession. “You beautiful, silly, perfect man. It’s my job to spiral.” I brushed my thumb across his cheek as he huffed out a laugh.
“Finn…” I felt my cheeks warm, but this was too important to avoid. “I’ve not let myself be with anyone for a very long time. And I think there is still a lot we both need to figure out, but I’m tired of pretending it’s fake too.”
He kissed me next; desperation mixed with relief. I climbed over his lap, threading my fingers into his hair as he deepened the kiss.
“Alex,” he kissed my jaw, my neck. I felt his cock stir beneath me. “I need to ask you something.”
“What?” I rocked against him and he groaned, sending a spike of desire and adrenaline through me. He didn’t answer and I sat back, worried. His gaze moved over my body, his pupils blown wide.
“Is that what you wore to work?” The question caught me off guard and I couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped my throat.
“You want to know about my suit?” I raised an eyebrow.
“It’s just…” he flashed me a wolfish smile. “You look really fuckin’ hot. Just the thought of you taking control, wearing that…” He swallowed instead of finishing.
“Commander, are you sure you’ve got any… issues with your equipment?”
Finn laughed. “LieutenantCommander, and trust me darlin’, bein’ horny is one thing. Bein’ able to do anything about it is another.” He turned sober a minute. “I don’t want you to be disappointed if my body won’t cooperate.”
I took his words as a challenge. Not only to bring him pleasure, but to show him exactly how extraordinary and desirable he still was.
“Do you trust me?” I looked directly into his eyes as his entire body stiffened beneath me.
I watched fear cross his features, watched him wrestle with his feelings. I knew he trusted me, but I needed him to say it more for himself.
“Finn, let me take care of you,” I said gently, resting a hand on his upper thigh. I could already see the hard ridge pressing against his pants.
