“I don’t…” What was it that Finn had said last? “We’re still figuring it out.”
“Isn’t Dom thirty-one?” Holly continued as my mom and Tonycame over to wait with us.
“Okay?” My ears were starting to buzz a little, restless energy beginning to zip through my body.
“Who is thirty-one?” My mom asked.
“Dom and Finn,” came the reply. My vision narrowed in on Finn and the girls as they crowded around his phone to look at pictures.
“Sasha,” my mom sounded far away. “A man’s finally interested in you! It’s hardly the time to be coy. Does he know how old you are? If he wants babies, that’s not very much—”
I snapped. “Mother.”
Everyone was so nosy. Everyone thought I was difficult, that they knew what I was going through, what was best for me until they needed my help to fix things.
“What’s going on?” Finn looked between us as they returned, slipping his arm around my shoulders. I couldn’t relax, my face growing hotter as anger flared through me.
“It’s nothing, dear,” my mom gave him a patient smile. “We were just talking about babies and Sasha got upset.”
I watched Finn’s brow crease with worry before he carefully schooled his features and pulled out his trademark grin. “Well, we’re still in the reconnaissance phase.” That was the line. “Seeing if we like each other enough to make this go the distance,” he smoothed a hand down my arm.
“Tell him why I got upset,” my voice was low, my gaze pinpointed on my mother. I was tired of people acting like I was overacting to what they’d said, ignoring how I truly felt about things like children or dating. I was tired of them acting like I was broken or just “didn’t get it.”
“What do you mean?” My mother had the gall to look surprised.
“Tell him how you think I’m too picky. That I don’t care about the future. That I should want to settle down. Tell him you think I was stupid for breaking up with Graham, which, he dumped me, I’ll remind you. Tell him I just don’t get what it means to build alife like you think I should have,” I did my best not to clench my teeth when I said it. “Tell him you found out how old he is and you’re worried that he didn’t know how old I am. Tell him you think I’m being selfish and that he might want to have babies together.”
I felt Finn stiffen next me, his hand gripping my arm a split-second, and that was all the answer I needed.
Fake or not, I was not “might want to have babies together” material. My heart plummeted despite my own feelings about them.
“Joan, with all due respect,” he pulled me closer, a protective edge in his tone, “that’s none of your business.”
Everyone went silent, my mother opening and then closing her mouth without a sound. I glanced at him. His face had grown hard. So, this was Finn pushed to his limit by my family’s insanity.
He continued, “when we decide about having children,ifwe decide to have children, you’ll know.”
“Ladies,” he turned to Madison, Rose, and Sadie who were all watching with large round eyes. His face softened. “Your performance waschef’s kiss.” He touched his fingertips to his lips before taking my hand.
“Now if you don’t mind,” his grip was slightly tighter than usual as he turned back to the adults, “we’re going home tonotmake any babies.” I let him pull me away while my family stared after us.
“Finn are you okay?” I asked as we made our way into the dark parking lot.
“No,” came the quiet, honest reply as we reached the car. His brow was still creased with worry. “But I don’t want to talk about it right now if that’s alright.”
“I’m sorry they…”
“Alex,I don’t want to talk about it,” he ground out. He wiped his hand over his face and relaxed before looking at me for a long time, sorrow deep in his eyes. This wasn’t about me being “have babies together” material. But what was it?
I stood there patiently, watching his eyes flick over me in the dark. “It’s not about you,” he confirmed at length. “It’s important to me that you know that. I don’t give two shits how old you are.”
I swallowed and then nodded, unable to speak.
“And I promise to talk about it when I’m ready.”
“I believe you,” I lifted a shoulder. “It’s not like this is real anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.”
“Yeah…” he trailed off, searching my face. He looked worn, more so than I’d ever seen before, his dissipating frustration leaving exhaustion in its wake.
