“Can’t help it.”
“I know,” she squeezed my hand. “But we’re gonna be fine. It’s just talking about what we already do.”
Except it wasn’t just talking. It was being evaluated for functionality and compatibility and whether my trauma was damaging the best thing that had happened to me in possibly my entire life.
I had my own session with Elena that afternoon, working through triggers, coping strategies, and building tools for managing episodes before they became crises. But the whole time, part of my brain was already on Wednesday, already sitting across from Elena with Alex beside me, trying to prove we worked.
I had Tuesday off. No formal session, no observation, just rest and processing while Elena worked with her other clients remotely. Alex and I took a walk around the property, and I showed her where everything would be during my family’s annual giant Fourth of July celebration the following week.
“What about those?” She pointed to a scattered grouping of cream-colored tents on wood decks near the tree line, their twin-peak tension canopies rising into the air.
“Those are Elowyn’s latest expansion,” I smiled. “Glamping tents or whatever they’re called. Luxury roughin’ it. Got working plumbing and everything.”
“Hmm…” The look in her eye meant something was brewing in that gorgeous head of hers. “They don’t look like they’re being used.”
“I think she’s putting in the finishing touches in the next couple of weeks.” I tugged on her hand. “Come on, I want to show you where they’re putting the stage and dance floor.”
On Wednesday morning, my stomach was filled with the same pre-mission anxiety I used to get when I was still enlisted—something important coming, needing to be ready, unable to control the outcome.
Alex was still asleep beside me and I watched her for a moment—lashes fluttering softly against her cheeks, the soft curve of her shoulder and hip, the trust in her relaxed face as she took a slow, deep breath.
She’d chosen to be here. Chosen me.
What if Elena identified some dynamic that was harmful, some pattern that meant we were bad for each other despite how right it felt?
“You’re thinking loud,” Alex mumbled without opening hereyes. “Told you that was my job.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Just come here.” She reached for me, pulled me close until my head rested on her chest, her heartbeat steady under my ear. “We’re gonna be fine, Finn. Elena’s not trying to find reasons to break us up. She’s trying to help us work better together.”
“What if she sees that I’m holding you back?”
“You’re not. I wouldn’t be here if you were.” Her hand moved through my hair, grounding. “You’re doing your own hard work, I’m doing mine, and we’re supporting each other through it. That’s what she’s going to see.”
I wanted to believe that. Needed to believe it.
“Two o’clock,” I whispered.
“Two o’clock,” she confirmed. “And until then, we just keep being us.”
The consultation room felt smaller with three of us in it.
I’d sat across from Elena plenty this week, but with Alex here, the stakes felt a hell of a lot higher than when I was alone. I extinguished the candle and put the lid on top so Alex wouldn’t have to smell it.
Elena settled into her chair, notepad on the side table as always.
“Thank you both for making time this afternoon,” she nodded, smiling. “I know the last couple of weeks have been intense.”
“That’s one word for it,” I muttered as we sat down on the sofa.
Alex’s hand found mine. Squeezed once. I squeezed back.
“Before we start, I want to be clear about what this session is and isn’t.” Elena crossed one knee over the other, resting her hands on her lap. “This isn’t relationship therapy. I’m not here to evaluate whether you’re good together or fix communication problems. I’m assessing how you function as partners during stress, how you support each other, and whether your relationship dynamics help or hinder Finn’s recovery.”
Alex nodded while my shoulders tightened.
“The goal is to understand what’s actually happening between you so I can provide better support for both of you moving forward.” Elena looked between us. “Make sense?”
