“Then act like it. None of this makes you broken or defective, Finn. Everything is proof you survived something that should have killed you.” Her voice wavered slightly, “but hiding things from me? That keeps us from really knowing one another. And we agreed to be open with each other.”
“Elena will probably ask you about this too,” I leaned forward, picking at the fabric of my jeans. “Whether there are other things I’ve been hidin’, whether you feel like you really know me.”
“And I’ll tell her the truth. That you’ve been protecting yourself the only way you knew how, but that protection has been keepingme from seeing all of who you are.” Alex paused. “I’m desperate to know all of you, Finn. The parts that are easy to love and the parts that scare you.”
“Even if some of it’s ugly or painful?”
“Especially then. We’re still figuring out what it means to love someone without trying to control what they see or know about us. At least it’s something I’m still learning how to do.”
“I know it’s not exactly romantic, but if you’re willin’, my next injection is in two weeks. Maybe you could... help me with it? If you want to.”
“Not like you to hedge, Finn,” she teased gently. “I’m more than happy to help. Thank you for asking.”
I swallowed. “And I might be a bit… compromised for the next little bit. Now that I missed a dose, it’ll take a couple of weeks to get back to my new baseline.”
“Good thing I’m emotionally stable now and totally not on drugs to keep my brain in check,” Alex huffed, rolling her eyes.
“Darlin’ if you ever feel angry toward me, like I know you did this mornin’, you should let it out.”
“I don’t think that’s wise—”
“I mean it. I’d rather you scream or beat the shit out of me than experience what happened yesterday. You’re terrifying when you shut down. I’m sorry I caused it.”
“Yeah, well… I can’t promise anything. Shutting down is my brain’s default setting, but I’ll try.”
We sat in silence for a moment, the weight of the conversation settling between us. Outside, the ranch had gone quiet as night settled over the mountains.
“Do you want to go to bed?” she asked quietly, getting up. “You look like you’re about to drop.”
I nodded, suddenly aware of how exhausted I felt.
We brushed our teeth side by side before she moved back to the room, giving me space to change. When I returned to the bed,Alex was propped against our headboard, pillows from the extra bed tucked behind her, legs stretched out and her e-reader in her hands. I stopped when I saw her, surprised by her choice.
“My choice, every night,” she quipped. “I’m going to read a bit, but I want to be close to you. If that’s okay.”
I nodded, not trusting my voice. I climbed in next to her as she turned the bedside lamp down.
“I missed you,” I whispered, snaking one arm across her middle.
“I missed you too,” she whispered back as her hand found my hair, fingers scraping gently against my scalp. A contented sigh escaped my lips—her touch relaxing me fully.
“Elena’s going to help,” she added in the darkness. “And we’re going to figure out how to trust each other completely.”
“Partners.”
“Partners.”
Chapter 43
When in doubt, Google his therapist
Alex
I woke before Finn, the early mountain light filtering through the curtains casting everything in soft gold. He was still deeply asleep, his breathing steady, and his face relaxed against the pillow. I pressed a gentle kiss to his temple, careful not to wake him.
“Getting breakfast,” I whispered against his hair. “Stay in bed.”
He made a small sound of acknowledgment, already drifting back under.
