Another shrug. “From what I know, they were murdered long before my incident. Cillian and the others took me in from some boys’ home.”
“Like foster care?”
Typical.
“Yeah, something like that. However, I don’t remember it.”
My eyes focused on the discolored patch on his scalp, and without realizing it, I reached, stopping at the last second to meet his gaze as if asking for permission. On the same page, he gave me a quick nod.
The tip of my finger smoothed over the scar.
“You remember nothing?”
“Nothing. I can speak a few languages and have seen glimpses of who could have been my mother. But it’s hard to discern what’s a real memory from the things I’ve been told, what I’ve seen in dreams that were probably just fantasies of a life I wish I’d had.”
I exhaled and dropped my hand down his cheek, where he took it in his own and kissed my palm. Warm tingles fluttered down my body.
“Do you think you’ll ever remember?”
“I’ve made peace with the mystery of my past long ago, Leni. There’s nothing back there for me. There’s only the here and now.” I watched as he kissed every single one of my fingers. “And you.”
“Me,” I breathed.
“You.”
I couldn’t help smiling, though unsure how to feel. “What about the future?”
Silas froze for a heartbeat, lips pressed against my pinky. “What about it?”
I wasn’t sure what I was asking, but the words tumbled out anyway.
“Do you ever think about life beyond this, beyond the here and now?” I asked, laying my head over his chest. “Do you think…we could ever come back from the things we’ve done?”
I closed my eyes, feeling the burn of tears against my lashes as the image of a mutilated Rupert played out in my thoughts. I didn’t regret his death. I’d do it again, a million times over. But maybe that was it. Was this all I’d ever be? A monster. No one to share my life with. No one to love or love me back. No children. Nothing beyond the woman I was today, beyond the pain and bloodshed.
My nails bit into Silas’s biceps as I fought to seal the doors in my mind.
“I’ll ask again. Talk to me, love.”
“I can’t,” I whispered, trembling against him.
He rubbed circles along my back. “I told you before to hold on to me. I’ve got you.”
I nodded, acknowledging his words of support as they warmed places in my heart I didn’t know existed.
“Was he your only family?” he asked, referring to my father.
Emotions scorched my throat, threatening to spill over, but I swallowed them, inhaling a steadying breath while I summoned the strength to speak.
“He was the last.” Silas remained quiet, the soft beats of his heart against my ear lulling me into calm even as I was about to confess the darkest of secrets. “My mother was the daughter of one of the local doctors in a smaller town in the Philippines. Her father gifted her a trip to Athens as a graduation present. And as you can imagine, that’s where she and my father met.” A smile tilted my lips when I remembered his words. “Said she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. That she was born to be his.”
Silas’s hands splayed against my back as he tightened his hold. “So you take after her, then?”
What I knew was meant to be a compliment speared me straight through the heart, sending chills down my spine. Maybe any other day—person—would have seen me lashing out, but I couldn’t bring myself to be mad.
“I’m nothing like her. I can’t be…”
“What does that mean?” His muscles tensed slightly, and he lifted me by the shoulders, warm eyes brimming with questions.
