I opened my eyes abruptly when the memories of what happened in that junkyard resurfaced. The dire situation, the cramped space, and maybe Derek’s dominating nature had triggered the trauma I’d suffered as a dumb college student. I didn’t have to say it, but somehow, he knew. Had an idea of why I acted the way that I had. He’d wanted to know his name, and I had a feeling he’d keep pressing. I pushed the thoughts of what he’d do with the information to a dark corner of my mind, along with all the other red flags belonging to Derek Cain.
Through the years, I’d refused to think of him, let alone say his name out loud. And I wasn’t ready to either.
I’d lost control. The demons I kept locked away had clawed to the surface. But I couldn’t let that happen again with Derek.
Ask what you really want to know, Eva.
Turning on the shower, I let the bathroom fill with steam, and my nipples hardened when the warmth wrapped around my naked body. My eyes fluttered closed, and wetness gathered between my thighs as I imagined him walking through the door and having me however he wanted.
You want to know how long and how good I can fuck you.
Yes, I very much did.
A breathy moan escaped me as my hand traveled south, slowly skimming over my navel and between my legs…
I bit down on my lip and groaned, leaning against the wall as the hot water cascaded over my face. Then I dropped my hand.
Not with him just downstairs. It wouldn’t be enough. I needed the real thing, and I was determined to get it.Turning the handle, I quickly dove under the cold spray.
* * *
Derek seemed lost in thought, eyes fixated on the pictures on my mantle. But his gaze looked distant, as though he was staring through the frames rather than at them. If he’d noticed my presence, he hadn’t said anything or diverted his attention.
“Is this your brother?” he finally asked after countless seconds.
“Yeah, that was Frankie. That was his high school graduation.” My stomach grew heavy as the following words left my mouth. “He died two months later. He was murdered.” I inhaled a long breath before continuing. “And I was with him when it happened.”
Derek finally looked at me, his dark brows furrowed. “You werewithhim?”
I nodded.
There was a time when the wounds of grief were fresh, when I’d cry just thinking his name or remembering his laughter. But Frankie had been gone a long time, and while my heart ached for that crazy, spirited boy I’d loved so much, sometimes I wondered if he was ever here. Had I imagined having a brother for fifteen years? Dad never spoke of him. He took down all his pictures, threw out his belongings, and turned his old room into a storage space. My brother was a ghost—one only alive in my fading memories.
Derek’s hand was at my waist, the other tilting my face. The blue in his irises darkened.
“Tell me.” He pushed hair behind my ear. “Were you hurt?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I ran. He told me to run. I was fifteen… just released after a three-day stint in the hospital. He wanted to cheer me up.” Tears welled in my eyes for the first time in years at the thought of Frankie’s death. “We were just going for a walk.”
Derek’s thumb swept the droplets from my cheek. “I’m sorry I asked. I didn’t mean for you to get upset.”
While his gesture and tone of voice were sweet, his shoulders were tensed. Like he was uncomfortable. I didn’t blame him, though. I’d taken him on a wild ride in the last couple of days. And now there I was, blubbering like an idiot.
“I’m sorry. You must think I’m pathetic.” Pushing out of his grasp, I walked to the couch and let myself fall, wiping away the last of my tears with the back of my hand. Thank God I’d opted out of wearing mascara.
“I don’t think you’re pathetic,” he said, sitting beside me. “That would have been a rough experience for anyone. And I know a thing or two about childhood trauma.”
Whenever I gave thought to the atrocities Derek might have lived through as a child, I felt consumed with guilt. The man who had doted on and loved me endlessly was the same one who’d abandoned his own blood to whatever fate awaited him in a broken system. While our relationship was too new, and Derek had yet to reveal details about his early life, I knew whatever it was, had changed him. Hardened him.
I’d sat across many guilty men, and there was always something about their eyes—windows to the soul and all that. But it was the absence of light.
Of life.
Were they looking at me or through me… just like the frames?
“I’m going to be out of town for the next few days.” Derek’s voice jarred me from my thoughts. “I have some business to take care of.”
“Business?” He cocked an eyebrow at my question. “I’m sorry. You don’t owe me an explanation. I’ll see you when I see you, I guess.”
