“Home,” I reply with a shrug as I zip my coat. It’s not super cold here in Wisconsin yet, but with the club’s compound being right on the a bluff of Lake Michigan, the winds whip around and make the temperatures several degrees colder than further inland.
“Why? Lunch may be done, but you don’t have to leave.” Tucking his hands in his pockets, I sigh as Frenzy seems to settle in for a battle of trying to get me to stay.
“I’m all alone here, Scott. I can’t be here right now.”
He’s confused. I can read it all over his face. Well brother, so am I.
“There’s a whole clubhouse full of people in there.” Frenzy untucks one of his hands and points at the large, imposing stone building behind him. “You’re never alone here.”
“This isn’t my home.” I throw my hands up in the air before settling them on my waist. “I don’t belong here.”
“But you’re always welcome.”
Angling my head to the side, I glare at my stubborn brother. “You and I both know that’s not true.”
“But—” he pauses as he scratches his beard. “I never want you to feel alone. You’re my sister.”
“I can’t describe it. That’s why it’s so confusing. There’s a whole bunch of people who I know care about me, about us, inside there, but it just isn’t enough right now. Those people aren’t my family. They are your family, Scott. They’re your club, not mine. I have no other family left. I never had a mom like you did. Dad is gone. Who do I have?”
“You have me.”
“I know. But it’s not the same.” I let out another sigh as I think about how to get him to understand. How do I explain this without sounding like I’m whining and complaining . . . because I’m not. I’m just lost. “You have the Kings. One day you’ll meet a woman and make her your Old Lady. You’ll bring her into your circle, she’ll learn the ways of the club, she’ll probably pop out a few biker babies, and you’ll grow old and happy together in your biker life. And that’s fine, I know that’s your life plan, but it’s not mine. If being a biker Old Lady was in the cards for me, it would have happened by now . . . but it didn’t. I need to find my own place to fit in. I need to find myself.”
“I don’t know what to do, Say. How can I help you?” He looks as lost as I feel—and I hate it.
“I don’t think there’s anything you can do.”
“I’ve never felt this useless.”
“You’re not useless, big brother.” I wrap my arms around his chest and give him a big hug. “I just need some space and time to figure out what’s next for me. With dad not needing round theclock care anymore, I need to figure out my next step. I need to find where I fit in.”
CHAPTER TWO
CORRIN
If I could get through one day without having to hear about pacifiers, baby clothes, lace, place settings, or table runners . . . it would be a day too soon.
Now, I adore this woman because she is one of the sweetest human beings to ever walk on this planet, but there is something about being pregnant and planning a wedding that has turned Nola Taylor into a whole nother person. Maybe it’s the hormones, or just the overall craziness of trying to plan a wedding to happen approximately three months after she is to give birth, but she has become a whole nother creature. Not that I would ever be stupid enough to say that to her or her fiancé’s face. Her fiancé, my boss Fergus, is the head of the O’Carroll Mafia crime family, and I would very much like to stay my six feetabovethe dirt, thank you very much.
It's early evening on the Saturday after Thanksgiving and I am camped out on one of the couches in Fergus’s office, listening to them bicker back and forth about the silliest and randomest things. I don’t really get why he is picking these silly fights with her, because we all know he is going to let her have anything and everything she wants anyway, but what do I know? I am just his head of security. I know nothing about planning a wedding or having a baby.
Nola is due in just over a month, right around New Years, and then their wedding will be on March fourteenth, just a few short months later. Sounds crazy, right? But again, I’m just here to do as I’m instructed . . . I’m not the boss and quite frankly wouldn’t ever want to be.
“Why won't you let me hire you a wedding planner?” Fergus grumbles for probably the third time in the last hour. “It's not like I can't afford to bring in someone to help you.”
“I don't need anyone else's help, mo ghrá. Remi and I have all the important stuff planned and booked. It shouldn't be too much to ask you to just pick up a couple things for me tomorrow while you’re already out and about. It's all ordered and paid for. You just go to the stores on this list, give them my name, then bring the bags home. Easy peasy.”
Fergus reaches out, wraps a hand around her hip, and pulls her into his chair with him. He lets out an overexaggerated grunt and she and their bump fall into his lap. Nola lets out a soft giggle as he kisses her on the cheek. “Anything for you, mo fhíorghra.”
Would it make me a sound weak if I admitted that I wish I had someone like that. I will never admit it out loud, but I can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy for my bosses. Both Fergus and his younger brother Tadhg, our resident family assassin, have found their true loves—and best friends, nonetheless. How crazy is that?
Tadhg found his now wife Remi about two years ago and they now have a daughter named Máire. She is about a year and a half old and the cutest little button ever.
When Remi moved from Chicago to Houston to be with Tadhg, her friend Nola, who already lived here, was brought into the inner circle and very quickly caught the attention of Fergus. It took the stubborn man just about two years to claim her as his own, hell, they’re both stubborn mules on a good day, but once they got together for real, it’s been nonstop—full steam ahead every day since.
Then I think about my parents. Cormac and Aoife Bradach have been in love since they were thirteen years old. They met when my ma’s family moved to Galway, when the families all still lived in Ireland, and have been inseparable since. Still to this day, some sixty years later, they love and would do anything for each other.
I want that.
