THEY MADE OUT ON THEcouch, long, searching kisses, hands kneading through hair and massaging necks. For the first time in her life, Sophie felt truly hot, overheated. She wanted to take her shirt off, but she didn’t dare do that. She wondered how Jesse managed to do this without gasping for air or even breaking a sweat.
I am so pitifully unathletic. Even making out is a workout. How can someone who can run up three flights of stairs in sixty seconds get winded sitting down?
The words of a song that her parents often danced to when they thought she was asleep suddenly entered her mind.He takes my breath away... Leaves me breathless.
“Wait,” Jesse pushed her back gently, his own breathing seeming ragged, body still leaning towards hers. “I said light. This isn’t light.”
“I... Well, ‘I love you’ isn’t light, either.” Sophie blinked, genuinely puzzled. “Jesse, I won’t push you to do things you don’t like. I’m new at this, though. Don’t change the key in the middle of the song.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I don’t want to risk...” he stopped.
She blushed. “I get it.”He doesn’t want to risk the things that come along with sex.“In case it matters, for later— we could get tested. I mean, I’ve never... Like I said, there was no one before you, so I’m clean, but we can go get a blood test on campus together. The health center—”
“Stop. Oh, God.” Jesse put his head in his hands. She heard the muffled groan of “blood test” before he pushed himself off the couch. “I’m going to tell you something. You are going to run out of her and probably never want to see me again. Okay?”
Sophie rose, too. “What? No, don’t be silly!”
“I’m not what you think I am.”
Her spine sent a warning zap as he paced away from her. “You’re scaring me.”
He let out a bitter laugh. “Yep. That’s one reason you’ll run. Before I say it, I want you to know that I meant what I said. You are beautiful and deserve the best things in the world. You’re special. I love you. I thought I could pull this off, but I can’t. Not with you, because I want to be close to you.”
“Then let’s be close! If you took some vow of celibacy, if you’re some undercover priest, that’s okay! I don’t need to—”
“I’m a vampire.”
Sophie’s throat closed over her protest at once.
Jesse looked at her motionless form and moved to the dormitory door. He opened it softly and returned to the other side of the room. “I’m a vampire.”
“You’re a jerk!” Sophie hissed back.
It was obvious he hadn’t expected that. “What? I’m not! Well, I’m not one on purpose.”
“You are! What the hell is wrong with you? Was this all a game to you, mocking the pale girl? I’ve been called a monster, a ghost, a vampire, a banshee, everything you can think of! I thought you of all people would show a little compassion!”
“Sophie, I do! But the closer we get, the less likely it’ll be that I can keep the secret. I had to tell you.”
“You had to tell me a lie? A fairytale?” Sophie grabbed her stuff hastily. He hung back without trying to stop her. “I’m leaving, but not because you’re a ‘vampire.’ I’m leaving because you’re a massively cruel person. I can’t believe you’d do this to me! Was it fun, leading on the freak?”
Jesse was silent.
“I guess you’ll laugh later,” she spat, struggling into her coat, trying to hold back tears.
“No. I won’t. I would never laugh at you,” Jesse whispered. “I know you don’t believe me, but—”
“Don’t but. There is nothing you could say that would excuse a lie of that — of that magnitude!” she struggled for a word that would encompass the scope of pain and betrayal she felt.
They don’t make words for a lifetime of pain, followed by a few weeks of joy that is crushed right in front of you. Heartbroken is the closest I can get.
“I’m not lying. I wouldn’t lie to you. Everything I’ve said has technically been true because I didn’t want to—”
“Save it! Stop it! Just— stop.” Sophie scrambled out of his room and back to her car in seconds, locking the car door behind her. With shaking hands, she fumbled for her keys and jammed them in the ignition. The engine cranked hard and the car screeched haphazardly into the deserted avenue, reeling back to the relative safety of her dorm.
She dragged herself inside, her cello listlessly trailing her with none of her usual care. As soon as she locked the door, she dropped the case and her bags, and let her knees give out.
She curled in a ball, sobbing her heart out, her broken, betrayed heart.
