He shakes his head. “But I don’t manage everything. Not really. Why do you think I’m in Jackson’s statistics course?” His voice is tired, but there’s a hint of humor in it, as though he’s learned to laugh at the absurdity of it all. The chaos. He clears his throat, his voice trailing off as he speaks the next words.
“Earlier, you asked me why I didn’t say anything. When she got sick and Kareena—her mom—left, it messed up everything. We had a pretty solid schedule, but she always had this look in her eye, like she wanted out. I wasn’t surprised when she left, but I wasn’t prepared either. It was like someone pulled the rug right out from beneath me. I couldn’t keep up with school. The hospital bills piled up. I needed to work. To make money.”
He exhales, catching her gaze. “The bar—it’s easy money. Tips are great. The schedule was even better, but Lucy got worse. A couple of the professors were willing to cut me some slack, but Jackson”—he shakes his head, jaw ticking—“he told me that I shouldn’t use her as an excuse. That I should’ve been more organized and to try again next semester.”
Jahlani’s lips part. “That’s why you didn’t say anything? You actually believe that? What he said?”
He rolls his neck. “His words were like fucking bullets, Jahlani. I felt like the shittiest person, the shittiest dad at that moment. I told myself that I would never do it again, but I …” He huffs, running a hand over his mouth. “I fucked up again.”
The laugh that escapes is bitter. Hollow.
He swallows, shaking his head. “I misread the date to sign up for classes because she had relapsed before school started. Only Jackson’s was left. I tried swapping because I know how he is, and I didn’t want to risk failing again. My advisor told me to feel it out because a GTA was joining the course, but then …”
She drops her hand from her head and sits upright. Heat moves through his veins as he stares at her.
“Then?” she rasps, chest rising faster when his eyes drop to her lips. He turns slightly, lowering his head.
“But then … the woman I met at the grocery store with the big, beautiful, brown eyes, sharp tongue, and sharper mind, that I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about, turned out to be the mystery assistant.”
Her scent is stronger than ever when he leans closer. The chestnut rays in her eyes sharpen.
His voice drops to a hushed whisper. “The truth is, Jahlani, I knew I couldn’t handle having you as the GTA. I wanted to keep whatever image you had of me … intact.”
She lets out a strangled laugh. “That’s presumptuous of you to assume you left any kind of mark,” she says, a little quiet, a little breathless.
“See? How am I supposed to think about Bayes’ theorem or multivariate analysis when all I can think about is changing your mind about taking a chance on me?”
For a moment, both of them still. No one speaks, and they watch each other’s movements. He’s sure he’s going to break first, move in and brush his mouth against hers. Quickly, gently. Just a feel of her lips, but a bottle falls behind the counter, echoing throughout the bar, and they both lean back. Jahlani turns toward the sound, and he drops his head back, closing his eyes momentarily.
Fuck.
She turns back, but she shifts away, reaching for the glass of water. He watches, fist to his mouth to hide his smile, as she empties the glass. Setting it down, she toys with the rim, not meeting his gaze, seemingly in a trance.
He knocks his foot with hers.
“Hey, where’d you go?”
Her mouth twists, and she scratches her left eyebrow before meeting his eyes.
“I’m just … so sorry. About everything. I wish I could do something to help,” she says, staring outside. “I wish we could do it all over, you know?”
They fall into silence and he isn’t sure how to respond, because truthfully,no, he wouldn’t change a single thing that’s happened between them so far.
He sticks out his hand, and she turns to face him, eyes slightly wide.
“I’m Roman Hayes,” he says. “Nice to meet you.”
Her smile builds slowly, and she slides her hand against his palm before grasping it tightly. It’s smooth and warm and he doesn’t want to let go.
“I’m Jahlani Jones. It’s nice to meet you, Roman Hayes.”
CHAPTER 18
GIRL FUN
JAHLANI
On Monday, something is off. Not in a bad way, but in a way that Jahlani notices the subtle difference in the air. A shift in the atmosphere— a lightness that glides through her chest, her toes, her fingers.
