She says nothing, her gaze fixed on the melted bowl of ice cream as he sighs, stepping past her and out the parlor door, the bell ringing above her. She sinks back into the booth, biting her nail, her mind spiraling. The saccharine scent of waffle cones being pressed drifts across the room as she inhales, then rises from her seat, throwing the remains of her food out.
As she steps out onto the damp pavement beneath the bleak New York skyline, the rain dampening her hair and clothes, she can’t help feeling like it’s crying for her.
With her.
Ather.
Hastening to the subway, she forces herself through the crowded streets. She squeezes past cigarette smokers and bypasses several food stalls, shaking her head as numerous people try to hand her damp flyers. Her head remains tucked as she makes her way down the stairs to the platform, doing her best to avoid eye contact with other commuters because it feels like someone is running a fist the size of a gallbladder through her chest.
Jahlani steps onto the train, sinking into the first open seat she finds. The window is smudged with red lipstick that says ‘love conquers all’ and before she can process what she’s doing, she wipes it away with her sleeve. Her shoulders slump, and she buries her face in her hands.
A feeble older woman sits next to her, reading the newspaper. Suddenly, it folds down and into the large, teal alligator purse propped in between them. Jahlani wipes the moisture from her cheeks with the back of her palm. She’s not crying because she’s hurt about anything that he said.
She’s crying because?—
“Honey, are you okay?”
What now?
Jahlani wipes her face with more urgency, mustering her bestmy life is not on firesmile she can as she turns to the woman.
“I’m fine, I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Just got caught in a storm.”
For the past two years of my life.
As she settles in for the rest of the ride, she convinces herself that this is for the best. She repeats the words in her mind as a quiet comfort, but they do nothing to soothe the trepidation that lingers as the train doors slide closed.
CHAPTER 2
FIND YOUR WAY HOME
JAHLANI
Jahlani is not a superstitious person by any means. To her, everything is a numbers game. It’s logical. The Three Fates? Bullshit. Coincidences? That’s just the human brain applying a perceived pattern to random events. A weak attempt to make something out of nothing.
And things happening in threes? One could say that’s just paranoia, because from a mathematician’s standpoint, a cluster of three is inevitable, given enough time.
But a believer would say that Micah ending things with her was the catalyst.
It’s dark by the time she gets back to the apartment. She jumps in the shower, determined to wash Micah’s words from her. After changing, she stands in the kitchen waiting for her chamomile tea to cool down. Taking out her phone, she sends a quick message to Imani, the only friend she held onto from high school.
Jahlani always had a tough time connecting with people. Her life differed from everyone she went to school with. She studied, kept her head down, and worked to keep herself busy. She didn’t have the energy to explain that her mom probably wouldn’t notice if she left and that her dad already had.
Jahlani
Micah cheated. Don’t call. I’m fine.
Imani
Flights already booked. Does TSA still not allow weapons?
Jahlani
Ha. I promise I’m fine.
Imani
He didn’t deserve you, Lani Banani.
