“Jahlani, they haven’t seen you in years. You’re going. Congratulate your cousin. They’re your family. You owe it to them.”
Jahlani’s right eye twitches.
Sheowesit to them.
She doesn’t owe them anything.
She just wants a moment to relax. To orient herself, but her mother continues, reminding her of why she left in the first place.
“You’re lucky I even have room for you, showing up here out of the blue.” Her voice rises slightly as she picks the knifeup again, slicing expeditiously. “I was getting ready to rent it to one of your cousins when I got your little voicemail. So,youcan go and be the one to tell them now that they’ll have to find somewhere else to stay.”
Jahlani squeezes her eyes shut, her shoulders curving inward as she takes a steadying breath. A part of her wants to pilfer the remaining mango and hide in her room for the rest of the night. The other part of her knows she has totryeven though it’s the last thing she wants to do. Even though she knows it’ll be in vain.
Opening her eyes, she takes in her mother’s thinning form. Her hollow cheeks. She doesn’t look sickly, but she looksolder. Jahlani unfurls her hands.
For what it’s worth, I think they’ll be happy to see you.
Her mind wanders momentarily to the man from the store again. His furrowed flat eyebrows, aquiline nose, and full pink lower lip. A selection of features she never thought she could be attracted to. His eyes, a striking combination of meadow green and sapphire blue. Those completely ruined her.
And he made her laugh.
Something that happens less frequently nowadays.
You were so wrong,she thinks.This can’t be what happiness looks like.
For a moment, she allows herself to wonder. Her mind is a dangerous place, and she works hard to keep it quiet. It has a very treacherous habit of creating happy, safe realities, and in this one, he wrangles the ten-digit number from her, and she learns his name. In this version, she isn’t emotionally unavailable.
Instead, this is the catalyst for theirsomething.
He’s charming and comes from a healthy,stablefamily. He knows how to love, and be in love, and be loved. He takes the time to show her how to do all those things. He’s patient, and when she wants to stay late at work, he waits up for her.He’s home cooking for her. He doesn’t resent her for it. He’s supportive and understanding because he’s just thatgood. They would have nuclear, explosive sex, and she’d wonder where he had been her whole life because he was hersomethingthat became hersomeone.
She decides it’s enough. His words encouraged her.
She reaches for another mango slice, restraining the sigh that is desperate to escape.
“What time does it start?”
CHAPTER 6
THE POWER OF PRESENCE
ROMAN
The stench of the sterile pediatric ward drifts through the air as Roman bounces his daughter in his lap, the scent clinging to him as if it’s stuck to his skin. No matter how many times he steps into this place, the disinfectant, the antiseptic, the faint whiff of bleach, all of it hits his lungs like a slap, an unwelcome reminder of everything that’s wrong in his world. He should be used to it by now. He’s been coming here for months, after all. He should be numb to the chill, to the way the whitewashed walls seem to bleed into each other, creating a room devoid of color.
But every time he walks through the sliding glass doors, signs the paperwork, and nestles his daughter into his chest, it irritates his senses.
Now, he can’t stand the smell of cleaning products or the sight of magazines.
Especially the travel guide ones.
He finds them to be insensitive and mocking since most people aren’t afforded the luxuries of being able to go on vacation. This week’s collection features a road trip to the Grand Canyon, a breathtaking photograph of the sun disappearing behind the cliffs, the winding river darkened, the minerals invarious hues of red and salmon. A family of four poses with all teeth as they look into the camera.
Before Lucy’s diagnosis, there was a time when he could have imagined himself out there with her. Now it further taunts him.
A reward for those who are deserving of it.
And he certainly isn’t.
