“Why?”
“It was something that my mom put me in as a kid and I was just naturally good at it. Coaches pushed my mom into making me do swim meets and competitions and sure it was fun at first, and then I got to high school, and I couldn’t do what everyone else was doing. I had to keep my grades up and monitor my diet and focus on training and I just felt like I missed out on having an authentic teenage experience.”
“Why didn’t you say no? Why didn’t you quit?”
He shakes his head. “I didn’t want to disappoint my mom. She worked so hard with me and Dan. No help from anyone, I couldn’t do that to her.”
She twists her lips. “What happened when you got to college?”
He sighs, leaning back into the seat. “That’s where I messed up. I had a lot more freedom than I was used to. The guys on the team were cool. More relaxed. Party people. It was fun and I got ahead of myself and you know the rest,” he says, meeting her eyes.
“Lucy,” she finishes softly.
“Lucy.”
“Do you regret it?” she asks, tilting her head. He shakes his head.
“No. I will never admit this to anyone else but I’m glad Kareena got pregnant. It gave me a quicker way out because I knew eventually, I wouldn’t be able to keep up.”
Her eyebrows move together. “Keep up?”
He shrugs. “I knew I’d drop the ball eventually.”
She scoffs. “How could you have possibly known that?”
“It’s what I do.”
She shakes her head, looking down at her hands. “That’s called a self-fulfilling prophecy and a rather negative one.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” he says, looking at her from the corner of his eye. “What are you thinking?”
She sighs, leaning forward to grab his hand. “I’m thinking that you putwaytoo much pressure on yourself and that you need to learn to take a step back and take it all in every once in a while.”
He nods, humming as he watches her dance her fingertips across his palm.
“So software engineering became your backup,” she murmurs, tracing his lines. He wets his lips, the tips of her fingers brushing over areas he didn’t realize were so sensitive until just now.
“I thought it would sound good to my mom. Software engineer as a son has a nice ring to it,” he says, chuckling weakly.
Jahlani tuts, dragging her index finger down the middle of his palm to the edge of his hand before starting over again. He’s embarrassed at how he starts to press against the seam of his shorts, butfuck she has to know what she’s doing, right?
“What would you have done then?” she asks.
“I can’t tell you,” he says, pressing two fingers to his lips, watching her.
Her eyes flick to his and she applies less pressure. “Well, now you have to tell me, otherwise I’m going to think the most outlandish things.”
He shakes his head, lips parting when lifts his hand up to her mouth.
“A magician?”
“No.”
“Sex therapist?”
“Nope.”
“Dental hygienist?”
