CHAPTER 1
THREE FINES MEANS YOU’RE NOT FINE
JAHLANI
All things considered, Micah ending things with Jahlani on a random Tuesday afternoon over two bowls of mint chocolate chip ice cream is rather banal. Just another blip in her day. It’s not a grandiose spectacle where she slaps him across the face, throws her melted green paste at him, and tells him togo to hell.
It’s a far cry from that.
Instead, as they sit opposite each other in their usual spot—the black booth towards the front of the parlor—she considers two possibilities. The first is to confess the truth, which is that she despises mint chocolate ice cream. Really, anything combining those flavors together is an insult to her taste buds. The second thing plaguing her thoughts, as she swirls her spoon around the bowl, is how she allowed herself to end up here.
Here, across from a man who’s been made to feel that the world revolves around him. She knows it’s not his fault. Not really. If anything, it’s his parents’ doing. Always at his beck and call. Fixing his problems for him.
Jahlani’s life is a stark contrast. If she wants even the bare minimum, she has to work twice as hard as the next person.
And sometimes that still isn’t enough.
Some naïve part of her thought that was what made her and Micah compatible. That he would wake up one day and recognize that you have to work hard for the things you want in life, that things don’t just get handed to you.
She believed they would evolve together.
But it’s here on this arbitrary Tuesday afternoon, where the sky is that restless murky gray—the shade that makes you want to hide from the banshee-like wails of thunder and streaks of lightning—that Micah starts his breakup speech.
At a certain point in time between “we’re not on the same page anymore” and “you’re always working,” she decides she’s had enough and can’t stomach this thing they call a flavor anymore. Letting the metal spoon clatter, she digs her nails into her palm, her knee bouncing under the table. And as he drones on, she isn’t sure why, after all these years, she’s felt the need to preserve his ego for something as simple as ice cream.
Jahlani averts her gaze to the large shop door as the bell overhead chimes. A woman weighed down by shopping bags stumbles in with two little girls, leaving a trail of muddy footprints as they make their way to the counter. Jahlani drops her head against the window, noticing the rivulets of water starting to build against the pane. She takes in the cramped brick buildings with rusted fire escapes, dog walkers, business professionals, and students as they share the darkening sidewalk of Lower Manhattan. She’s suddenly envious of all of them.
They have intentions.
A destination.
Purpose.
And as her throat clogs, another devastating string of words falls past Micah’s lips, waking her from her hazy state of insensibility.
“What?” she says, unwinding her arms. The green strings of her knit cardigan drag through the sticky mess on the table asshe grips the edge of the seat. Suddenly, the booth is too small. There’s not enough space for her to breathe.
Micah stares at her. “Did you hear anything I just said?”
She inhales deeply as she takes him in. “Uh, sorry. Repeat the last part?” She clears her throat, shifting against the leather.
She looks on, her heartbeat accelerating, as he pulls apart his napkin. His eyebrows furrow in concentration. He sighs, dropping the mangled scraps and presses the palms of his hands to his face.
“This is exactly what I’m talking about. It’s like you’re not even here. It’s like I’m talking to a wall, Jahlani.”
Her shoulders deflate, and she lowers her gaze.
“Oh,” she says, feeling rather stupid, but what elseisthere to say? “I just have a lot on my mind,” she says, rubbing her forehead. “Truthfully, I’ve been?—”
“Jasmine thinks I need to be with a more present partner. Someone who listens to me,” he says, interrupting her. “Someone who talks to me. And I agree with her.”
At the mention ofhername, Jahlani’s head lifts.
“Jasmine?” she asks, hating how small her voice sounds. How afraid.
Because she knows Jasmine. They met at a fundraising event that his company held.
Last year.
