At the doorway, I stop. Atticus is at the table, shoulders rounded in a way that is not his normal posture. He is listening to a call on an earbud and staring at a blank point on the wall like he put his mind there so the rest of him could do the steps. He looks so cleanly put together that if you didn’t know him you would say he’s fine. I know what fine looks like on men who haven’t slept. His jaw has that tightness that means the engine is hot and the oil light is on and he refuses to pull over.
He has held a thousand lines since I woke up on the metal floor. He has slept in alphabetized doses: an hour here, thirty minutes there. He has turned a house into a secure system and a secure system into a home. He’s done it without asking for anything except information and the seat nearest the door.
I set the drawing—hisface, the clean shoes, the neat cuffs, the scar—on the table and make the choice I was scared of this morning and not scared of now.
“Back in ten,” I call toward the hall without waiting to see if anyone answers. “Don’t touch the paper.”
Atticus looks up, already reaching to pause the call. “Phoenix?”
“Come with me,” I say.
He pulls the bud out, drops it on the table, follows. He doesn’t argue. He doesn’t ask what’s wrong. He does a quick scan of my face and hands like he’s counting fractures and finds none, and that’s when the edge in him softens a notch. He trusts that I wouldn’t be playful if there was fire.
I take him to his room because that’s where this needs to happen. It smells like cedar and coffee, code and clean sheets. Everything is in its place because control is a kindness he gives himself when the rest of the world won’t. The bed is made with military corners because he talks to cotton like it will misbehave if it gets ideas.
“Sit,” I say, and point to the end of the bed.
He sits, eyes on me, careful. “Tell me what you need.”
“You,” I say. “To stop thinking for an hour.”
His mouth quirks. “That’s not in my skill set.”
“It is when I’m holding the rule book,” I say.
His hands flex on his thighs. “Color?”
“Green,” I say, and I don’t have to breathe hard to say it.
He nods once. “Green.”
I go to his closet and know exactly where to look because I know him. Top shelf, left side, behind the sweater he never wears because it scratches: a small box, matte black, weighty. I bring it down, set it next to him. He doesn’t blush. He doesn’t crack a joke. He watches me like a man who has been waiting to be seen.
Silk ropes. Soft, strong, clean. A length that will hold without bruising, knots that come undone when asked, the kind of tool that makes safety a promise and not a hope.
I run the silk between my fingers and feel my body answer in a way that is not panic. This isn’t about pain. It’s about trust I didn’t think I’d ever loan again.
Atticus takes a breath that expands his chest and then leaves it slow. “You’re sure,” he says. It’s not doubt. It’s confirmation.
“Yes,” I say. My smile is crooked. “I know you need control to relinquish control. So I’m offering you my submission, Atticus. My trust.”
His eyes close for a heartbeat like he’s resetting a system. When he opens them, they’re not sharper. They’re warmer. He reaches—slow, deliberate—and takes my wrist, turns my hand over, kisses the center of my palm like he’s greeting the part of me that broke and decided to rebuild anyway.
“I don’t know what to say,” he murmurs.
“‘Just all those filthy, dirty words that make me wet,’” I say, and my voice doesn’t shake. “And maybe a few ‘good girls.’ And my name.”
“Phoenix,” he says immediately, like he needed the taste of it to start.
I smile. It feels like standing on a deck that doesn’t sway.
I set the ropes aside for a second and climb into his lap, straddling his thighs, body aligned with his. He’s heat and clean linen and focus. I frame his face with my hands and watch the tension there crack in tiny lines like a thin sheet of ice with sun on it. He looks younger when he lets it go. He looks moredangerous too. Control on him is beautiful. So is the moment he surrenders it at my say-so.
“You’ve been carrying the whole house,” I say softly. “Tie me up and put it down.”
“I’m not sure I know how,” he admits.
“I do,” I answer.
