The idea quickly plays out in my mind. “I don’t belong there either.”
“That’syourissue, so keep them in your world. I don’t want to play the part of your shadow anymore, neither ‘little brother of the star athlete’ or ‘pitiful little brother with the sad sister.’ I’ll pass on both.” He stomps out of my room.
My head spins.Because of you, he’d said. I knew the truth. I knew it was my fault. And now I know he blames me too.
I’ve barely moved since Zachary walked out, even though it’s been hours. My room is pitch black because I never turned on the light. The words he said are repeating over and over. The scenes of the accident on constant replay and ending with me screaming, and then that’s it.
Everett had told me that Mom died instantly. But had she really? How much had she suffered while in the broken, heaping chaos? Why can’t I move past it like my brother has? She’s gone. Maybe it’s because deep down I know she would still be here if it weren’t for me.
Shoving off the bed, I grab my key fob and head straight to my car. The BMW still feels out of place along with my entire life. Just like I told my brother, I don’t fit in anywhere. And the more I try to blend, the more things go off-kilter.
I don’t intend to drive anywhere certain until I realize I did. I’m at the site of the accident. But it’s also a familiar route I used to drive daily before we were moved and left everything behind. Except my memories.
It takes me a few minutes to open the door and step out. Not because I’m scared to see it again. I do every night. I’m terrified to feel it again. What if I remember more of the aftermath? What if I don’t?
My eyes search around; a random car passes by, then I’m alone again. It’s 3 a.m., so the road isn’t busy. It’s usually a cut-through for most and not a main road.
Shutting my eyes, I see the flash of light, the scene replaying again and again. But it’s the same exact thing. Nothing new.Nothing that I haven’t seen. Even when I open my eyes, everything is as it is in my head. Except there is a cross on the side of the road with my mom’s name on it. Uncle Shawn said he placed it there to honor her final moments. But that’s not where she took her last breath. It was somewhere in the middle of the road. I don’t know the exact location, but I remember still being in the intersection.
Moving to the center, I look in all four directions. There’s a car heading in my direction, but it turns a few blocks away. Then nothing. Peace.
Lying down on the pavement, I rest my hands on my chest and stare up to the stoplights. The only sound is a slight click as the lights cycle through from yellow to red then back to green.
It’s almost comforting until I hear the last voice I want to. “I don’t remember getting a message for this dare.”
He stands over me, looking down.
“Why are you here?” And it dawns on me. “You followed me? Fucking psycho stalker.”
Luca lies beside me. His hands folded casually on his chest as he relaxes. “Do you have a death wish or just bored?”
He shouldn’t be here. I can’t handle him tormenting me here.
“Please just leave. I’m not doing this right now.”
“What exactly are you not doing right now? Because I’m failing to understand the entire premise of the night.” He moves his hands behind his head.
“I don’t want you here.” I hold back how much I don’t want him here, so he doesn’t use that against me. It’s too raw and painful. And he insists on inserting himself into every miserable experience of mine just to play stupid, childish games with me. This one is off-limits. “I really hate you and wish you would leave.”
“And I don’t want to lose Mercy because you got run over, so I guess we both know what the other is wishing for.”
“That is what’s important. Mercy. The game. The dares. You winning.” I see a set of headlights but remain in place. “There’s a car coming. Time to go.”
He doesn’t move. “You first.”
“Seriously, leave.”
“Where are we going next?”
The car is getting closer and doesn’t turn off. If Luca thinks I’ll give in to spare him, he has another thing coming. “If you die here, you won’t be able to win your grand prize. Better get up and save yourself.”
His head slowly turns to the side. “We’re a team. You die; I die.”
“You really are a fucking psychopath.” Though I’m the one lying in middle the road, unconcerned with the car still fast approaching. They unquestionably see us because they’re honking the horn as they swerve and veer around us.
“Is that it? Or are we going two for two?”
“Fine. You won’t go away, I will.” I sit up as his hand catches my elbow, holding me on the pavement.
