It doesn’t feel like enough.“I can handle it.”
“No doubt. But that doesn’t mean you should. You really need to enjoy your last year of school before you’re out in the real world.”
Real worldhits me the wrong way. Yeah, I don’t have a mortgage or so-called adult responsibilities, but I don’t exactly feel like I’m a kid either. Especially with my father who would rather gamble away our livelihood than support his family. “You mean like helping with rent, utilities, or groceries? Guess I’m already in the real world.”
I know it’s cruel. But my frustration at this moment is spilling over. I had the money to fix my car, but instead of paying the mechanic, I gave it to my mom to help cover rent since my parents were short this month. All because Dad decided to bet it and lost again.
“I’ll pay you back as soon as I can.”
“No, Mom. It’s fine.” Mainly because I know she won’t have it. She’s too busy trying to pay for everything else and keep her head above water. And I don’t mind helping her. It’s just the reasonwhyI had to give her the money that pisses me off.
“Okay.” She lets out a deep sigh. “But think about what I said. You don’t have to do it all. Maybe just pick one extracurricular and go with it. That way you can devote your full attention to it and not be spread so thin. Like swim—you love it and you’re amazing at it. Setting records your junior year at state—imagine what ceilings you will shatter your senior year!”
I’m hoping there will be some new records and winning titles, but most of all, I’m working towards a full scholarship to a school far away from home. It’s not that there aren’t good options in and around New Orleans, I just want to be as far away as possible. “I said I can handle all of it. I need to make sure I have plenty of backup options.”
“Oh, you sure will have every option you need. Your dad and I will ensure you can do whatever you want.”Shewill work her hardest for that. I know it’s her intention. But Dad will lose on some bet that doesn’t end well, and she’ll find an excuse for him.
“Like what? Working double shifts as a hotel maid while the man I’m married to won’t bother to find a steady job but never fails to find every casino and get-rich scheme within a drivable distance? But hey, at least he hasn’t gotten us evicted from this place yet.” I remember having to pack up without warning while Zachary cried because he didn’t want to leave the only home he’d known. And it wasn’t a great one. But it was ours. “I’ll pass. I’d rather be alone the rest of my life than be with someone like him. I’ll figure it out on my own.”
“Your father struggles with his demons, and they usually win more often than not.”
It’s him. He’s the problem. But I’ve deflected way too much of my anger towards her. Specifically, I resent her when she overlooks his behavior and excuses it like it’s fine and normal. “Yes,hisdemons. Not mine, not yours. Only his. He doesn’t care about anyone except himself. Yet, you’ll bust your butt working extra shifts to cover his debts. And then defend his actions and make excuses for him.”
“I can’t leave your father. And I hope you never have to understand how hard it is to love someone who struggles this way.”
More like someone who doesn’t deserve all the passes Mom gives him. She isn’t the deadbeat parent. But she’s the one who stands by him. Even after he hit her, she claimed it was because he’d been drinking. But the next time it happened, he hadn’t had as much to drink, so the explanation was that he was stressed out about finances. She’s always justifying his behavior.
I look at her and say what I know beyond a doubt I won’t allow to happen. “Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll never be you.”
When I see the flinch, I actually feel bad for saying it. But my anger is too strong to even consider apologizing. Because it’s still the truth.
We ride in silence for a few minutes until she says, “If you change your mind about going on the campus tour this weekend, let me know. I can probably get the time off.”
“No, don’t bother. I’m going away for college. I’ll be better off without you or Dad nearby.”
“Ivy, I—” Mom starts to speak, and I’m ready to cut her words off but don’t get the chance before her arm swings out, shielding my chest. When I look over in her direction, I see a flash of headlights before the jarring impact slams me around.
It all happens so fast. The last thing I hear is my mom scream. Then everything goes dark.
2
IVY
A slow steady beep breaks through my unconsciousness, but it takes a few seconds before I’m able to open my heavy eyelids.
Glancing around, I take in the wall of curtains and the hospital bed I’m in before I notice my best friend at my bedside. Everett’s head is leaning back against the chair, and he appears to be sound asleep.
What’s going on?I’ve no sooner thought it than a flash of light zaps through my mind, and I remember hearing my mom scream. My eyes snap shut as flashes of panic and pain engulf me. We were in a car crash. When I open my eyes and move to sit up, I feel a sharp pain in my side and realize my right arm is in a sling.
“Ivy. Thank God.” Everett is on his feet and hovering over me. His hand gently squeezes my left bicep. “Do you want some water or something?”
“Where’s my mom?” My mind is loopy, and I feel unsteady, but it’s the sharp pain that keeps me from attempting to move again for a few seconds.
“Don’t try to get up. I’ll get a nurse. They gave you some meds and said you might be a little groggy at first.” He moves his hand to my face. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
I don’t feel okay. I feel disoriented and rattled. “I need to see my mom. I said some horrible things to her.”
“Ivy, wait.” He places a hand on my shoulder. “You shouldn’t get out of bed.”
