Before I enter, Troy props against the wall. “I’ll be right here if you need anything.”
“Thanks.” I shut the door then head straight to the shower. Because I want to cry when I admit to myself that I don’t need Troy. I want Luca.
97
LUCA
It’s been less than an hour since I walked back to my house, but I’ve debated a dozen times on driving to the police station and going forward with the confession. But I can’t bring myself to do it. If she changes her mind, I will in a heartbeat. Right now, I just want to make sure she’s safe.
According to Troy, she’s well. But I’d rather be there with her. He said they’re done processing the scene and her house has been cleaned up.
After showering and pulling on some sweats, I sit on the bed and wait for Troy’s next update. There’s no chance I’ll be out of reach again.
I recline against the headboard of my bed until there’s a soft knock on the door. At first, I figure I’ve fallen asleep and am dreaming. But she’s real. Ivy limps over, then carefully climbs onto the bed before settling on my lap and nuzzling against my chest. Troy signals that he’ll be in the hallway as he pulls the door closed. I don’t ask questions; I just hold her securely to me.
After a few hushed minutes, she whispers, “You weren’t the scariest monster in the room. And I’d rather you be around if they come back.”
“You’re safe,” I reassure her.
Ivy tilts her head back as she stares at me. “I know. But how can the guy I hate be the same person who makes me feel safe? I just don’t know how to get past it.”
I tell her the truth. “You shouldn’t get past it. What I did was unforgivable. But I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”
Ivy relaxes against me as she sighs, “Let’s just get through tonight first.”
“Anything you want, name it. I’ll turn myself in if that’s what you decide. No questions asked. Just proof that you can trust me.”
She says, “Anthony told me about your mom. That’s how you knew I was struggling.”
I can still picture it. The same vacant, dead stare on her that I witnessed when I was a child. And just as haunting. “I’ve never been so terrified in my life than the moment I recognized it. Because I need you to keep fighting.”
“I still question what the point of this life is. But I certainly don’t want to die. I want to be around for my brother. My aunt and uncle are moving in with us. Even my grandma makes me want to stick around. I feel like I owe it to my mom to take care of her even if the woman hates me.”
I tell her, “You don’t have to keep punishing yourself.”
She whispers, “Neither do you. We’re both punishing ourselves to the point where it’s affecting others. I want to be happy but don’t know how to do it. I don’t think I can ever fully forgive you, but I know I’d rather you be here with me than locked away while people like Officer Guidry roam free.”
I promise her, “He won’t come near you.”
“It’s not me I’m worried about. He did some horrific things to Brooke and her mom. And I believe he will only get crueler. How can a man be so awful to his own daughter?”
She’s asking about more than Guidry. But I don’t have an answer for any of it.
“I don’t know.” I press my lips to her hair.
Her head leans back as she lifts and presses her mouth to mine. I kiss her back. Gentle and patient before she murmurs, “I dreamt that you died. And when I woke up, I was relieved that it wasn’t real. I don’t know how to be with you, but I don’t want to live without you.”
Hearing her say that gives me hope for the first time since I laid eyes on her that I won’t have to let her go. “You fall, I fall. Always.”
I want to mend every part of her soul, even if I have to stitch it together with mine. “Tell me what you need.”
She settles against me. “Sleep.”
“Wish granted.” I pull the comforter over her. “I’m here and not going anywhere. You’re safe.”
Ivy exhales, “I believe you.”
It’s about half an hour before she drifts off. I don’t dare close my eyes. Because I worry I’ll wake up and find her gone.
