He doesn’t sound thrilled. “We’re around the block but will be home in a few minutes. Just wait there.”
I don’t mention anything before I disconnect the call, not wanting him to prepare a lie before I can ask and see it on his face when I do. It’s a short wait before he arrives at the house. Aunt Kathleen helps Grandma out of the vehicle and goes directly to the door.
Uncle Shawn has a forced smile slapped on his face as he goes to hug me.
I hold up the first page of my birth record. “Tell. Me. The truth.”
His hand covers his mouth as he studies the paper in my hand. He reaches for it, looking over it before he says, “Let’s go inside.”
“No. Just say it.”
He huffs out an extended breath. “I’ll explain. But let’s go sit down first. I’ll tell you every single thing that I know.”
I trust that he will, so I follow him into the kitchen and sit at the table. Aunt Kathleen passes through as Uncle Shawn gives her a nod. Her sympathy is clearly directed at me before she leaves the room. I watch as my uncle sits across from me. It’s several minutes before he speaks, “My sister loved you more than life itself. But she was not your birth mother, Ivy.”
“I don’t understand.” I’ve seen the paper. I hear his words. But I can’t wrap my head around it.
“Your father had an affair, and the woman ended up pregnant.” He shifts in his chair, his hands resting on the table.“Jennifer threatened to leave him when she found out. And almost did. But the woman had already given birth to you by the time she found out. And as soon as my sister laid eyes on you, she fell in love. My sister swore that Freya was neglecting you. Jennifer said you were always in a soiled diaper that was probably days’ old from the looks of the rashes you’d have. And she swore you weren’t getting fed. She said you were innocent in the situation, and she couldn’t abandon you. So, she begged Freya to let her keep you.
“Your father’s gambling got worse. I pleaded with Jennifer to leave and told her we’d find a way to keep you with us, but she was too scared Chad would take you. She had no legal rights to you at first. Then Freya agreed to let my sister adopt you. But there was always a fear in the back of her mind that he would get custody if he took her to court.”
I feel like I’m about to puke as I ask, “She stayed with him because of me?”
Uncle Shawn replies, “Yes. She claimed that she loved him and said she was content with her decision. But she wasn’t leaving because it wasn’t worth the risk of losing you. So, she stayed.”
“No, she could’ve left.” Please, no. God. No. Please don’t tell me this is true after what I said to her. And she was with him because of me.
My hand clutches my chest as the tightening increases.
No. My mom sacrificed her happiness, stayed with him because she didn’t want to risk losing me.
I can’t breathe.
“I told her I’d never be her.” I pull at the necklace restricting my neck, but nothing is there. I yank at my T-shirt, tugging the neckline away. “I told her I’d be better off without her.”
“Ivy, take a deep breath.”
“I’m trying,” I gasp, my lungs refusing to fill with oxygen. “It really was my fault.”
82
IVY
I lie unmoving, my chest still feels tight, but I take in slow breaths as I hear my aunt whisper, “Is she going to be okay?”
“Yes. But I think we need to get her to a doctor just in case.”
I don’t want to go back to the hospital. This isn’t a best-day-of-my-life moment.
When they spot me watching them, Uncle Shawn resumes his spot on the sofa. “Are you feeling better? We really should go get you checked out.”
“No. I’m fine,” I lie again. Since everyone else is, why can’t I? “Why didn’t she tell me the truth?”
He shrugs. “She wanted to but said she couldn’t find the right moment. I think she was a little worried you’d see her differently. But no matter what you think, she never regretted her decision to raise you. She told me that so many times I lost count.”
I wish I could apologize to her. But there is someone I owe an apology to. “Tell Grandma I’m sorry.”
Uncle Shawn says, “She doesn’t blame you. She’s just hurting. And her medication really has been out of whack lately.”
