My vision focuses back to the peaceful, serene surface of the water. It’s the complete opposite of all the noise in my head.
When I feel warmth in my hand, I glance down, realizing that I mindlessly scratched the scab off of my wrist and blood is smeared on my fingers. I stare at them. My sight immediately seeing the blood covering my mom’s face.
Her blood is on my hands.Remy’s blood is on my hands.I didn’t kill him, but I was there. I know the truth. And that it’s all covered by lies. Everything is a lie. Everett lied. Dad lied. Uncle Shawn lied. Luca lied. They’re all liars. And me. I’m the worst of all. Because I’m still lying.
I lean forward, scrubbing my hands in the water. As soon as the blood washes away, more trickles out of the reopened wound.
Extending my legs, I slide my full body into the pool and blow the air from my lungs out as I sink to the bottom. When I open my eyes, I take in the tranquility and bask in the silence. It’s quiet. Peaceful. Serene.
I inhale, my nose burning as the sensation travels to my chest. But I don’t move to relieve it. The burn is minor. It’s the chaos in my mind that I can’t handle anymore.
A loud splash disrupts my peace. Then I see a form swimming towards me. Luca. He grips my elbow, but I pull it away. He swims closer, looping his arm around my stomach before pushing off the bottom of the pool, and I have no choice but to surface with him.
As soon as my head is out, I’m coughing and spewing up water. My throat burning as I attempt to catch my breath.
“What the fuck, Ivy?” He keeps a grip on me as he swims to the side of the pool. “You really want to die.”
“I wasn’t going to drown.” I lie because I had no intention of coming up for air. Would I have stayed under had he not gotten here? Surely my instinct would’ve kicked in eventually to surface. But something deep inside my soul admits that I wouldn’t have. It was peaceful. The pain had stopped.
Shoving away from him, I grab the side and pull myself out. There’s a slight ache in my shoulder from the pressure. It’s not awful, but it reminds me why I was under the water in the first place. I lie on the cold tile.
Luca hovers over me. He’s furious and raging as he continues shouting at me.
“Stop yelling, please,” I beg, closing my eyes. “It was quiet. I just wanted the noise to stop.”
A minute later when I open them, he’s still over me. His face is still twisted with fury, but his voice is controlled. “You aren’t allowed to quit on me, Ivy.” He drops beside me, his arms resting on his knees as he stares at the water. “Do you want to die?”
I don’t know.I sit up, steadying myself for a few seconds before I rise to my feet. “You said I might as well be in the ground with my mom. Thought I’d do you a favor.”
He’s in front of me, his hands clutching my forearms. “I want you to live your fucking life. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. You don’t quit. You’re not weak. You don’t give up. You’re too strong for that.”
I don’t feel strong.“I’m just tired. I had a lot to drink.”
Luca releases me as he says, “Stop lying to me… and to yourself.”
“Sure.” I go to walk around him, and he shifts to block my path. “You’re not leaving my sight until I know you’re okay.”
“It’s not up to you and you can’t watch me every second of the day. How the hell did you even find me here?” I figure he had to have followed me from the party.
“Promise me, Ivy. Swear to me that you won’t hurt yourself. Swear to me that you won’t leave me. You fall, I fall, remember?”
“This isn’t Mercy.”
His palm slowly brushes along my neck as he steps closer, his eyes closing as his mouth drops to my forehead. “The same rule applies whether we’re playing the game or not. So don’t ever do something so fucking reckless again.”
I try to be sarcastic, but my voice wavers a bit as I ask, “Like what? Signing up for a shit show with deadly dares.”
He’s not amused as he demands, “Swear it to me, Ivy. Tell me you’ll stay. Promise me you’ll fight for yourself and not give up. My life doesn’t work without you in it.”
I don’t know if I can keep it, but I still say, “I promise.”
70
IVY
I stretch as I open my eyes, surprised that Luca isn’t nearby. He’s barely left my side since we left the rec. A short time later when I roll on my side, I see a form in the chair. Even expecting him to be nearby, it makes me recoil before I relax back against the mattress as I tell him, “You scared me.” Then add, “I’m fine.”
He watches me as I go into the bathroom. When I open the door and step back into my bedroom, he’s still there. His evaluating stare intact.
