I step into the open, unfinished office space, and my eyes rocket to the area where the table sat in wait for me the last time I was here. It’s gone now. There is no sign I was ever here, that anyone has been here since. With leaden feet, I close the space between me and the window with the view into Kevin’s apartment. The lights from across the street, from his home, glow brightly, as they had when I was here last.
Is he alive?
Is he home and living his best life?
Was this all a horrid joke played by Kevin himself?
Sucking in a breath, I step to the window and gasp at what I find. There is no joke. Kevin’s apartment is empty, completely empty. There is no body. There is no furniture. There is only a vacant apartment. My cellphone rings, and I already know who it is. I don’t even look at the caller ID. I answer with, “What is this?”
“I told you,” Adam says calmly, his deep voice a vibration down my spine that frightens me for the simple fact that it soothes me in uncomfortable ways. “I’m helping you take control of your life,” he adds, “not destroy your life, Mia. Kevin resigned from his job and wrote a quite-convincing note to his employer and landlord about being at a place in his life where he needs to travel and expand his life. He evenpaid off his lease. No one is coming for you. No one will hurt you. I won’t let that happen. I’ve got you, Mia. That’s what you need to remember. I’ve got you.”
“I told you I’m done.”
“Not even close.”
“Stop watching me. Stop doing what you’re doing. Stop everything. Do you have cameras in my loft?”
“No. I do not have cameras in your loft.”
“You always know where I am,” I accuse.
“There are ways to do that without me watching you on a camera like a perverted teenager. If you want to be intimate with me, Mia, that will be your choice.”
“Never.”
“That’s your choice. I won’t take that from you. I give. I don’t take.”
“Except Kevin’s life?”
“That was a gift I gave to you. One day soon you’ll see it as such. I told you. I don’t take. I give.”
“Why should I believe anything you say? And how do I know you’re not watching me in my loft? Watching me in intimate moments that should be my own.”
“I’ve never lied to you, Mia. Nothing I’ve told you is a lie. Call and try to reach Kevin at work. They’ll confirm my story. I don’t lie to you. I left you some gifts to enjoy. Enjoy them. This is not about hurting you or even controlling you. This is about you controlling you.”
“Liar.”
“I’m teaching you, Mia. Learning is never a gentle or fast thing to do.”
I hang up on him again.
He doesn’t call back.
Chapter Sixty-Nine
When I arrive home, the bookstore is remarkably silent. I have no idea if this has anything to do with my outburst, or simply that Ben is long gone and done cleaning for the night. I begin the climb up the stairwell to the right of the store, and my body is heavy, weighed down with the extreme rush of high and low emotions that have spent hours tormenting me.
I walk into my loft and lock the door. I don’t even bother to check for intruders. At this point, if Adam is here, if someone is here, just let them come at me. I don’t have the energy to care. The stench of guilt and death covered up by lies clings to me, and I drag my tired body up the stairs, strip down, and shower. Hot water pours over me until it turns as icy as my emotions. I have nothing left in me, not tonight.
Once I’m in my PJ set and in my bed, I lie there, staring at the ceiling, a rumble in my belly. I didn’t eat tonight, and there is a growing necessity for nutrition. I shove myself up a bit, prop against the headboard, and open my bedside table, grabbing the bag of M&M’s I’ve resisted for darn near a month. I eat them now, mindlessly consuming them.
My cellphone rings and I glance at the clock. It’s midnight. I know who is calling—of course I know. One glance at the caller ID, and it’s him. It’s Adam.
I swallow my last M&M and answer on speaker. “You aren’t going to go away, are you?”
“Not when you still need me.”
“I don’t need you,” I say, though the combative tone of earlier is long exhausted. “You command me to take control. I try. It backfires. I was happier when I felt ignored. I’m invisible. And for that matter, so areyou.You hide in the shadows. Hiding is what I’ve done my whole life. You’re just teaching me to keep on keeping on.”
