“No, thank you.”
I set the tea on the nightstand while she put her notebook aside.
A hesitant look came over her face as she played with the hem of the bed sheet.
I paused, half smiling. “What?”
“I have a question.”
“I can see that.”
“I’m wondering how to word it.”
I shrugged. “Speak your mind?”
She huffed. “Well… Since most couples would have this conversation at some point…to address the elephant in the room…” Her eyes traveled over me in thought before she straightened, clasping her hands together in her lap. “Whatisyour stance on kids?”
My brow rose. “Oh.”
She pressed her lips together. “Maybe not a conversation we’re ready for?”
“No-no-no, I just wasn’t expectin’ it.” I sat on the edge of the bed. “I don’t think I’m suited to havin’ them.”
Well, that sounded a little finite…
I expected her to withdraw, but her eyes remained fixed on me in understanding. That look alone urged me to keep talking.
“My life isn’t kid friendly,” I reiterated.
“But hypothetically, if it were kid friendly, would you want them?”
My life before Lily consisted of living day to day with no thought of the future. Suddenly, she was casting a light on possibilities I once thought were impossible. Sitting down and picturing myself with kids was something I didn’t do, and here I was doing it like I wasn’t going to be arrested in a week.
“Maybe. With the right person.” The way her eyes were smiling made me continue. We knew realistically it couldn’t happen.But this conversation? If talking about happy futures and babies kept that smile on Lily’s face, then I would hypothesize for the rest of my free life. “What about you?”
Lily hugged her knees to her chest. The eager gleam in her eyes told me she had thought about it before, maybe more than once.
“I don’t know. I think my mother’s ideals might have formed the way I think about it. While she’s a career woman at heart, she also has strong family values. She expects Jane and me to settle down and have a family of our own…while taking over at the agency when she retires… Icouldeasily picture myself with kids, living the typical suburban life that she expects me to have. But I also want to travel and live first…” She stopped herself. “As you said, with the right person, maybe?But, if I were to have them, it won’t be until I’m at least thirty.”
I mocked a frown. “And, uh, who do you plan on havin’ these kids with? Because a prison sentence for blackmail alone can put me away for a long time.”
Lily’s mouth dropped open in shock, but there was a smile hidden at the corners of her lips.
“Too soon?”
“Yes,” she laughed, shoving at my bicep.
It barely moved me, so I leaned closer. “There are conjugal visits. Not at Rikers, but other places.”
“Oh, how romantic.”
I half smiled. “So, hypothetically, you’d have my kids?”
Her cheeks flushed red, and she shrugged. “Hypothetically.”
“Even if they inherited my attitude?”
Her smile grew wider. “I’d expect them to have it.”
