All I managed in response was a slight nod while my mother took hold of my hand.
Once the doctor left, with a parting note about her being right around the corner if we needed anything, my parents simultaneously started talking again. Softly, as they repeated how lucky I was, and how much they loved me. It didn’t take long for Mom to start asking if I needed more pillows, or for Dad to incline the bed after asking if I wanted to sit up. He raised it halfway before I winced, and Mom scolded him to stop. They started bickering quietly.
I sighed tiredly and brought my eyes to the doorway again but went still as my heart slammed into my chest.
He stood in the doorway wearing a black hoodie. Hollow-eyed with his jet-black hair mussed and face unshaven. In his hand was a styrofoam coffee cup, which he seemed to have forgotten about until Jane carefully pried it from his fingers as she stepped up beside him.
She nudged him with her elbow, her eyes shining as she smiled. “I told you she was awake.”
Dean’s expression remained unreadable as he only looked at me. His eyes, however, said so much more. He didn’t care that my parents straightened with him being there or had fallen uncomfortably silent, putting on their usual front in his company.
I swallowed, waiting for them to tell him to leave. Instead, Dad cleared his throat. A frown etched into his brow as he said, “I think we should get some food, Kate.”
“Mark,” Mom said, sending him a similar look to the one she gave Jane. “She needs rest.”
“And I need food.” He nodded more pointedly towards the door.
She hesitated at first, looking between myself and Dean, before giving in, kissing the top of my head before they left. While Dad thumped Dean’s shoulder, Mom gave him a wide berth, clearly still stubborn about where she stood with him.
Dean didn’t seem to register any of the attention. Or cared.
Jane was the last of them to leave, deliberately walking slowly out of sight as she grinned to herself.
I wanted to be happy too, but it didn’t feel right. Not yet. Not when the reality of it all came crashing back in.
Dean hesitated before he entered the room as if he thought rushing might disturb something. He took a seat in the chair on the right side of the bed, running a hand through his hair and scratching his chin.
He cleared his throat. “How are—”
“You’re here,” I interrupted quietly.
The statement stumped him and he frowned. Pain flitted across his eyes. “Of course I am... I thought I was gonna lose you.”
I blinked. My emotions were not quite intact as I watched him, taking my time to get my thoughts together before I said anything.
He waited, subtly drawing his attention to my side. Everything was still hidden beneath the covers, but he looked at it like he could still see the wounds.
“You walked at a loaded gun.” I wasn’t sure why I said it.
His jaw clenched but he spoke gently. “I did.”
The look in his eyes, like a promise he would do it again, caused my heart to skip.
I slid my hands up beside my hips and attempted to push myself up. And instantly regretted it when a sharp pain shot straight through my insides. I sucked in a breath.
Dean straightened and was quick to help, but I shook my head before he could touch me. I settled carefully into a sitting position, wincing as I rested against the pillows. He remained sitting forward in his seat, elbows braced on his knees as he clasped his hands together. His eyes once again, assessing my side.
“You broke up with me.” From the corner of my eye, I saw his head drop and his hand pass through his hair again. That familiar lump was growing in my throat, threatening to break my voice as I continued. “Because you thought it’d keep me safe.”
“I was wrong, Lily. I was so fuckin’ wrong and I’m sorry. You, of all people, didn’t deserve that.”
“You’re right. I didn’t.”
Watching the pain in his eyes, as I kept my walls up, physically hurt, but I needed him to understand I couldn’t go through any more heartache because of his decisions — because of his assumptions of what I could and couldn’t handle.
Dean nodded in agreement, a crease in his brow. “I went to Roxy to try and move on.”
That was a blow I didn't expect.
