When she’d put a stop to it, he should have had the sense to apologize. Instead, he’d gloated. He had treated a precious moment as if it was just another conquest. He had fallen back to playing Lothario, too cowardly to reveal the glimpse of his heart that might give her a reason to forgive him.
Then, he’d watched as the heat in her gaze had changed to impersonal courtesy, as if nothing had happened. He might tell himself that it was just a mask for her true feelings. But there had been something final in the look she’d given him as she’d left the room, as if she was closing a door on a part of herself.
He set the lunch tray aside and swung his feet to the floor, ready to go after her. But when he tried to rise, he was overcome by vertigo. He clutched the sheets at his side, waiting for the world to stop rocking, too embarrassed to call out for help.
If he did not hurry, she would get away. But he was equally fearful that she would come back and find him on the carpet in a heap. He wanted her to see him as a man and not some pathetic invalid who needed nothing from her but nursing. He took a few minutes to gather his strength. Then, he inched towards the head of the bed where the bell-pull hung and rang for his valet.
The servant arrived in a moment, surprised to find him alone. ‘Where has the nurse gotten to?’
‘I could ask you the same question,’ Sebastian snapped. ‘I am in no condition to look for her. Check the changing room.’
He returned in a moment to say it was empty, just as Sebastian feared it would be. A search of the house proved she had gone, leaving nothing but the Bible resting on the bedside table. The inscription on the end paper revealed that her name was Cassie and that the book had been given by her loving parents, but no more information than that.
He summoned the butler who informed him that she’d arrived without warning on the night of the duel and claimed she’d been sent by the doctor. Given her competence and skill, he’d had no reason to doubt her.
When the doctor arrived, he proclaimed that he was pleased with the progress His Grace had made towards recovery. But he could offer no information as to the identity of his nurse. She had told him she’d been hired by the family.
‘I have no family,’ Sebastian replied, annoyed with them all. ‘All she told me was that her name was Cassie.’
‘I have no reason to doubt the fact, Your Grace,’ said the doctor. ‘But as to anything else about her?’ He shrugged.
He called for other servants who might have spoken to her. What of the footmen? The housekeeper? The maids who had tended the room and brought her meals? All of them were equally ignorant of her identity. She’d said nothing of her past or her plans for the future.
‘You all allowed a stranger into my bedroom, when I was helpless to protect myself?’ he said, incredulous.
There was much shuffling of feet and muttering of apologies from the people assembled. Apparently, that was exactly what had happened.
‘Dismissed,’ he said, waving his good hand to shoo them away. Then, he pointed to the valet. ‘Except for you. I wish to dress.’ If no one here could help him, he would have to find her himself.
The valet looked to the doctor, who shrugged again. ‘If he feels well enough, he can do as he pleases.’
But when they attempted it, it was clear that he was still too infirm to get a shirt over his wounded shoulder. He was trapped in this room for several more days at least. With each minute that passed, Cassie was getting further away and he could do nothing about it.
And whose fault was that?
He should not have kissed her. It had been too soon. He had frightened her away before he’d said the things he needed to say. Even worse, he was not yet sure what he’d meant to declare.
He needed to thank her. When she’d come to him, he was reconciled to death and ready to welcome it. There had been no one left in his life that would miss him should he cease to exist. But she had insisted that he mattered to her. She had wanted him to survive. Her belief in him had changed everything.
How could he reward someone who had both saved his life and renewed his faith in himself? Words were inadequate, and no amount of money would be enough. It was not as if his lovemaking was some sort of fabulous gift rarely bestowed. He was accustomed to taking pleasure wherever and whenever he found it.
But he was not without principles. He did not take advantage of his staff. There was nothing worse than a supposed gentleman who could not keep his hands off the women in his employ. Cassie had been a temporary member of his household, and he should have treated her with respect.
Instead, he had tried to haul her into bed the minute she’d gotten too close to him. His only defense was that he was unaccustomed to receiving the tenderness she gave so freely as she’d cared for him. He had mistaken the altruism of her profession for an invitation to take liberties.
And yet…
He closed his eyes, remembering the feel of her hands as she’d nursed him. He swore he could remember her lips as well, pressed to his forehead and brushing his ear as she whispered words of encouragement. She felt something for him that was deeper than common kindness. Why else would she have run to save him after hearing he’d been hurt? She’d remained at hisside for days, heedless of the impropriety of it. She’d asked for nothing in return. Her only payment had been his recovery.
And that single, delicious kiss. It had frightened her, and she had stopped it before either of them had lost control. But for a few sweet moments, her lips had been warm and willing against his. But there had also been a hesitance to the contact, a sort of untried innocence.
He smiled in amazement as he pieced the clues together. On the lowest night of his life, when he had resigned himself that he was friendless and unloved, a girl had appeared out of nowhere to help him. She was skilled as a nurse, well-spoken, literate and gently mannered. The kiss and her response to it indicated that she was a virgin. Though curious about intimacy, she had no real experience with it. And she had known of his condition the same day it had happened. She must have heard of it by gossip and not from an article in the newspaper.
The pain in his shoulder and the accompanying weakness were forgotten and excitement burned through him like lightning in a summer sky. Somewhere in the city, there was a girl who’d loved him, even as he’d tried to throw his life away. He had not known her. There had been no introduction. But he must have done some good deed for a friend or family member that had earned her unrequited devotion. She’d risked her reputation to save him, but could not resist the single stolen kiss from the man she secretly adored.
There was an impediment to a proper courtship, just as in any great love story. She might be of poor and humble birth, far beneath him socially. She might be engaged. Her father might disapprove of him.
He laughed. If he was honest, most of London disapproved of him. Or at least they had until today. Now that he had found the woman who would be his future, his rakish days were behind him. He would prove to his mysterious Cassie that her faith inhim was not misplaced. She had given him a second chance at life. He would use it to become a better man.
