She frowned, momentarily confused that he’d said something that required she do more than just listen. The punch must have been even stronger than she’d thought, for it took longer than it should have to come up with her answer.
‘No.’
He seemed confused as well and paused before giving her a significant look. ‘I spoke to him earlier today. We had tea at White’s.’
‘How nice for you,’ she said and smiled. Her face felt funny, as if her lips were not positioned properly. She relaxed them into a frown, licked them and smiled again, hoping that she’d gotten her smile right on the second try.
She must have for he smiled back and nodded. Then he said, ‘He assured me that he had no objections.’
She kept smiling as she tried to understand what he had just said. Maybe she’d lost the thread because of the fountain noise. Or perhaps this pertained to something he’d talked about in the ballroom. She really should have paid better attention. She nodded and waited for him to go on.
‘He said that the decision would be up to you.’ He left another, leading pause.
‘How kind of him,’ she said. Her brother had promised her that her life would still be her own if she came to London. If there was a choice to be made, it was no surprise that he’d let her do it for herself. She simply had to discover what the topic was. She continued to smile and waited for Gerald to give her a clue.
‘So,’ he said, giving her a hopeful look. ‘Are we in agreement?’
There was no context in that, at all. Perhaps she should have stopped after the second cup of punch. This all might have been clearer if she was not fuddled. And he was still staring at her, waiting for an answer.
After what felt like an eternity of silence, she surrendered her pride and said, ‘I’m sorry. What were we talking about?’
‘Marriage, of course,’ he said with an incredulous laugh.
‘To you?’ Inwardly, she winced. That response had been stupid as well as rude. Of course he was speaking of himself.
‘We will make an excellent match,’ he said, ignoring her faux pas. ‘We have gotten along very well, so far.’
Probably because he would not give her space to say two words in a row. ‘We barely know each other,’ she said. ‘The Season has just begun.’
‘In a competitive situation, it is better to stake an early claim. If one waits too long, one loses out on the best…’ He stopped suddenly and waved his hand in embarrassment.
Had he been about to compare the marriage mart to a horse auction? Or was she just foxed? She had a good mind to…
She stopped as well, considering. She must be sensible about this. He meant well in offering. And hadn’t she decided, just a few hours ago that a quick marriage might be necessary to cover an indiscretion? The polite thing to do would be to ask for more time. If she gave him a chance and made the effort to listen when he spoke to her, she might like him better.
She did not dislike him now. Hadn’t she thought him pleasant company as they danced? He was solicitous. Honourable. Julian approved of him. Her parents would like him. And if he had a Soho flat with lurid murals and a mirror above the bed, she would never know of it because he would not dishonour her by taking her there.
That last was the punch talking. She should not have thought it. It reminded her of Sebastian and how happy she had been when she’d thought he meant to marry her. Even now, there was a sweet, sad longing in her heart for the life they might have had, if he had been the man she’d hoped he would be.
She might have sinned by being with him. Only God knew that. But if she said yes to Gerald Balard, she would make everyone happy but herself. She would be damned on earth to a future without the love she deserved.
She took a deep breath, hoping the night air would clear a little of the fog in her brain and spoke, taking care not to slur the words. ‘I am sorry, Gerald. I am most flattered. But I cannot accept.’
‘It was too soon,’ he said, shaking his head as if the words were a scold to himself. ‘I should have waited. Perhaps in a week, maybe two…’
‘I don’t think it will make a difference,’ she said. ‘I am quite sure in my feelings.’
There. She had refused without stumbling over the words or accidentally giving him hope. Now, if he would only leave, she could stay still until she was sober enough to walk back into the ballroom.
‘I have breeding, family connections, everything you could want. I don’t know what you expect of me,’ he said, giving her a faintly disgusted look. ‘You will not do better.’
Her teeth clenched behind her frozen smile. If she was not careful, she would tell him that she’d gotten three better offers last week. Each of them had been more romantic thanare we in agreementeven though they’d been delivered on a street corner and not in a moonlit garden.
Instead, she counted to ten and announced, ‘Perhaps I shall not. But I would rather die a spinster than be married to you. Now please go back into the ballroom. I think I shall remain here for a while.’
Then, she gave him an owlish stare until he went away.
Chapter Eighteen
