‘I knew, the first moment I saw you, that it would come to this,’ he said, smiling back and feeling smug.
‘The first moment you saw me, you were in no condition to know anything,’ she said, stroking his chest. ‘You were steeped to the gills in laudanum.’
‘Good days,’ he said. ‘I did enjoy the opiates.’
‘You did not seem to, at the time.’ Her hand on him was as gentle as it had been that day. ‘You were in a great deal of pain when I came to you.’
‘Creeping into my house in the night and telling my butler that the doctor had sent you.’ He patted her on the hip. ‘The poor man was beside himself when he realized that he’d let a stranger come to my bedside without even asking her name.’
‘I thought myself quite clever, at the time,’ she replied, kissing him again. ‘Julian had visited me, just as he always did on Wednesdays. And when he told me the foolish thing he’d done, I knew I had to do something to make things right.’
He smiled, flattered at her distress on his account. ‘I was close to death, until you came and dragged me back from it.’
He watched in the mirror as she nodded, her hair brushing against the side of his chest. ‘And what a disaster that might have been. It was bad enough that he duelled. But if he had murdered you, Julian might have been hung for murder.’
Sebastian froze, his arm around her waist. She might be snuggled close to him like a contented kitten, but she was thinking of someone else. It had been the same on the night she’d saved his life.
He had entertained himself for their year apart, trying to remember what he might have done to secure her devotion. Had he met her some night he’d been too drunk to remember? Perhaps he had forgiven the gambling debt of a male relative after ruining them at the tables. Or was she affiliated with some charity he supported? She might have seen the best of his character and decided to ignore the gossip.
None of that had been true. She had not known him or cared for him. It had been about Julian, all along. ‘So you didn’t come for me, after all,’ he said softly.
She laughed. The sound was small and sharp as the pin he’d given her. ‘I didn’t know you, beyond the few times Julian had mentioned you.’ She poked him in the ribs with a fingertip. ‘But from what I heard, you sounded quite horrid.’
‘Oh,’ he said as the romantic dream he’d built around their meeting popped like a bubble. He had been remembering those days as if they were a magical holiday. But he had been near mad from pain and laudanum, stinking of blood and sweat, unable to perform the simplest tasks for himself.
He laughed, as well. It was time he came to his senses. ‘I must have been a terrible patient. It is a wonder you bothered.’
‘You were awful, you know. Trying to get me to read that book you had in your dresser. And the way you looked at me, as if you wanted to eat me up.’ She smiled at him in the mirror and rolled her eyes. ‘You were lucky that I came there to save you and not to give you what you deserved.’
He had been seeking his just deserts when he’d challenged Septon. Cassie had not been a reprieve, merely a delay of sentence. And the sweet kiss that they had shared?
He looked at the moment with clear eyes now. ‘You stuck your finger in my wound to get away from me,’ he said.
‘You must admit, it was effective,’ she said, still smiling.
He had assaulted her. She’d defended herself. But that moment was nothing, compared to what he’d done today.
How many women had he brought to this bed? How many lewd acts had he performed here? And yet, he’d brought the woman he loved to this den of iniquity, instead of carrying her over the threshold of his home after a proper wedding. He hadn’t honoured her. He’d dragged her down to his level.
He must let her go immediately, before more damage was done.
He turned his head towards her so he would not see his reflection, for he could not bear to look at himself. Then, he smiled, making sure it was the false face he wore when bantering with widows and wayward wives. ‘Well. This has been a very informative afternoon.’
‘For both of us,’ she said, giving him a lascivious smile that broke his heart.
‘You have finally given me the explanation I was seeking, about last year.’ He laughed again, surprised that it sounded light and natural. ‘For a time, I thought I was going mad. That I was wrong, or that you really did not remember me.’
‘I had been trying to forget,’ she said. ‘But you made it impossible.’
Because he had stalked her, giving her no peace until she’d surrendered. What kind of monster had he become? ‘Thank you for telling me the truth. And for saving me last year, of course.’
She giggled. ‘You are most welcome.’ She ran a hand up his chest before laying it against the side of his neck as if preparing to kiss him again. ‘Your way of showing gratitude was very interesting. Would you like to demonstrate it again?’
She had been innocent when she’d come into this room, pure in a way he had very little experience with. If he’d met her before coming to London, they’d have made a match of it. But now, it was far too late.
Very carefully, he peeled her hand away, gave it a squeeze and placed it back at her side. ‘Once was enough to make my point, I think.’ Then he sat up and swung his legs out of the bed, turning his back on her.
She scrambled after him, sitting at his side. ‘Well, then, what shall we do next?’ She still sounded sweet and eager, and he hated having to hurt them both.
