‘Well, this, at least, is God’s truth. I have not lain with a woman since before the duel.’
She could not help her start of surprise. She looked into his eyes, searching for any sign that he was lying again.
But his expression was as earnest as she’d ever seen it and he did not look away. ‘Until I found you again… Until I had spoken to you and learned if I had any reason to hope? I could not think of bedding another.’
‘I suppose this is meant to impress me,’ she said with a nervous laugh.
‘I am only stating what happened,’ he said, still staring at her.
She was impressed. At least a little. Wasn’t this just what she’d dreamed of? A man so changed by a single kiss that he could devote himself to her for the rest of his life?
She shook her head, rejecting the idea. When she’d found him, he’d been too weak to fight for his own life without her help. Now he expected her to believe that he had the strength for celibacy.
‘I have curtailed my late nights, as well,’ he added. ‘I still drink and gamble, of course. I am not some starched-up prig who means to lord his virtue over others. But I do not partake of anything enough to call it a vice.’ He held out his hands again, as if to show he was open and honest. ‘I had given up hope that I could be the man my title deserved. I was close to death. Then, I met someone who changed all that. Tell me. Are you that woman?’
A happy warmth flowed to every part of her, enveloping her like a hug. She stared into his eyes which, as always, were blue and clear. They’d been so when he was wicked and were noindication of a pure heart. But they could see through her lies, easily enough and she was tired of denying him.
She nodded. ‘I have not told Julian how we met,’ she said.
‘I did not think you would,’ he replied.
‘I thought, perhaps you would not remember me,’ she added.
‘As I said, I could not forget.’
‘And when you did? I thought your interest was just a trick to lure me into your bed,’ she whispered.
‘Not a trick,’ he said, smiling. ‘I want that, of course. But so much more.’
‘But I am not afraid anymore. I was the one who nursed you,’ she said, feeling a flood of relief along with the truth.
‘You were the one I kissed,’ he said more softly.
‘And then, I left you,’ she reminded him. ‘What choice did I have?’
‘You could have stayed,’ he said.
‘As your mistress?’
This gave him pause, which was proof, she supposed that that was what he’d wanted at the time.
‘My brother had hopes for me,’ she said. ‘More than I had for myself. I did not want or need a husband. But I did not wish to disappoint him. And my father…’
‘The vicar?’ he said with a sad smile.
‘He would never have understood. They would have blamed you for a situation that was not your fault. You would have been forced to marry me.’
‘And you did not want that?’ he said, his expression open but curious.
‘We had just met,’ she said. ‘You were still weak from an injury my brother had caused. You could not possibly…’ But there was something about the way he was looking at her thatmade her stop. He had proposed in the street. Repeatedly. He had forsworn other women while he searched for her. ‘It was all very complicated,’ she finished.
He said nothing now, waiting for her.
‘It still is,’ she said, nervous.
‘Not really,’ he replied and patted a place on the couch next to him. ‘If you come here, I will show you how easy it can be. And how pleasant.’
He was right. It would be easy. Even easier, if she had the strength to stand. Just looking at him, her knees turned to water. ‘On the couch,’ she said. The piece of furniture he had chosen did not look like it was designed for sitting and taking tea. But it would be perfect to recline on if one was pushed onto one’s back and…
