‘Even though you knew she was in love with him?’
‘Even though I knew she was in love with him,’ she echoed.
He felt Athena’s stare fall on him through the darkness. ‘I went to his offices and tried to seduce him. He rejected me, and so I went to Lucie and told her the truth, that the only reason she’d been pushed forward for the role of marrying Thanasis was because my father wouldn’t let his real daughter marry the devil’s spawn.’
Just when he’d thought there was nothing about Athena that could shock him… ‘Why would you act so cruelly?’
Her voice caught. ‘Because I’m an evil bitch and hurting people is my default, and you shouldn’t throw away a deal with Diego out of a misplaced sense of honour for me. He didn’t say anything the rest of Europe doesn’t think, and if he’s heard that I tried to seduce Thanasis into dumping Lucie and marrying me instead then that means it’s leaked and probably everyone’s heard it.’
He swore under his breath. His head was pounding, guts as cramped as they’d ever been. ‘So everything you’ve told me has been bullshit and all along you wanted Thanasis.’
‘No,’ she refuted, swallowing. ‘I leapt at the chance of marrying him out of spite for Lucie and because I knew he would never push for the marriage to be consummated. I could have the big white wedding I’d always dreamed of without a proper groom and be the centre of attention.’
‘You tried to seduce him,’ he stated through gritted teeth. Even to think of Athena putting her lips to another man’s collar sharpened the cramping in his guts and pushed blood roaring into his head.
‘At his office, where there was no danger of it being taken further than I could bear. Thanasis is a gentleman. He was safe. I knew if I told him no for the whole two years the marriage was agreed to last that he would respect that and never try to force himself on me.’ There was another catch in her voice. ‘So not only am I a bitch but I’m a selfish, vindictive bitch. I spent over twenty years waiting for an opportunity to hurt Lucie and when it came, I took it. I felt that she took my place in my own life, and I was so jealous that both her parents wanted her so much that she spent half her time with her father in England, whereas my mother left without looking back at me and even when she moved into a house on the same street as us never seemed to want me there. I never let myself see that Lucie was a child, too, and she’d had no more say in where she lived than I did, and I hurt her deliberately when she never didanythingto deserve it.’
The words flowed without any conscious thought, but the more they flowed, the more Athena knew they were right and the deeper the gnaw of self-loathing. Memories filled her, the two of them sneaking onto the top deck of the Tsaliki yacht in the middle of the night, gazing at the stars and talking about everything and nothing until the sun came up, making each other laugh so hard their ribs hurt.
Lucie had been the only person in the world she’d ever laughed with. Until Draco.
The silence this time was so profound that she heard Draco’s hand move through the air before it covered hers and he gently squeezed.
She swallowed hard and pulled her hand away. ‘Don’t be nice to me, Draco, please. I don’t deserve it. I hurt people. I hurt everyone. I’ve even hurt you and you’re the best person I know.’
His voice was heavy. ‘But only because of the hurt done to you.’
‘That’s no excuse. I’m an adult. My actions belong to me and me alone, and the consequences of them should belong to me alone too. I can’t bear to think of you being tainted by your association with me.’
‘If you’re thinking of Diego, then don’t. You’re worth a million of him.’
‘I’m really not. I’m a horrible person.’
The car had stopped but, instead of getting out, Draco took her hand and clasped it between both of his so she couldn’t pull it away again. ‘Athena, you’ve developed a self-awareness most people never find. You’ve done some awful things but that’s not who you are now and it doesn’t need to define you for ever.’
‘How can you say that?’
‘Because I can hear the pain and guilt in your voice… I canfeelyour guilt.’
She could barely choke the words out. ‘Right now, I think I’m feeling a lifetime of guilt.’
How could she have done that to Lucie? She’d done so many cruel things to her over the years, their relationship a push and pull, love and hate, but to dothat?
He brought her fingers to his mouth and gently kissed the tips. ‘Then make it right. Apologise to Lucie. If she won’t speak to you, write her a letter. I don’t know if she’ll accept it or if she’ll forgive you, but I do know that the guilt will stay lodged in you until you purge it.’
‘You’ve dealt with guilt?’
‘Everyone deals with it in some form or other. The difference is your conscience has been repressed almost your whole life, but it’s found you now.’
‘What have you ever done to feel guilty about?’
‘I wasn’t there for my mother as I should have been when she lost her job and then our home. I was too wrapped up in my own life to help her or take any of the burden off her shoulders. I didn’t see how much she was suffering until she had a nervous breakdown.’
Draco caught the shocked widening of her eyes and stroked her cheek. ‘I’ve spent my adult life making it up to her but there are times when the guilt at how badly I let her down still catches me.’ He’d been powerless to help her, as powerless as he’d been when she’d lost her job and they’d lost their home.
‘I bet she doesn’t want you to feel guilty.’
He smiled. ‘You’re right, she doesn’t.’
