I’ve trapped her as surely as her brother once did, and, worse, I want to deny her the only thing she’s never asked me for. And all because I’m too afraid to give it.
‘Well, that’s bullshit,’ Zakynthos says, brutally frank. ‘You have a child now and a woman who loves you, and whether you’re afraid or not, that’s what you have. So stop being a coward. Your only job now is to spend the rest of your life at least trying to make her happy or I’ll gut you like a fish.’ He ends the call abruptly, leaving me standing there staring at the wall like a fool.
He’s right, though. Whether I’m afraid or not, I know now that there was never any leaving my dragonfly. And if she won’t walk away, where does that leave me? I could give into my fear and walk away from her and our child, tell myself I’m setting her free of me, or…
Or I could stop lying to myself. Stop telling myself that I’m not afraid. Stop thinking that she’s better off without me and I’m better off without her, because she’s not. Shelovesme. I could see the fear in her eyes as she told me so, and yet she said it anyway, so how can I throw that back in her face? How can I be such a coward when she’s the bravest person I’ve ever met?
That would do to her what my father did to me and I can’t do that. I have to make a different choice, a better choice. She told me once that it’s okay to love someone who hurt you, that it doesn’t mean you forgive them, it’s just an acknowledgement of what’s in your heart, and finally now, I understand.
I can love my father and still be furious with him. And I can love my dragonfly and still be afraid. Because she’s more important to me than my fear. She’s more important than me entirely, and I can’t walk away from her. I have to get over myself and be as honest with her as she was with me. After all, I have a wife who loves me and a child of my own, and that’s more than some men ever get. It’s certainly more than I deserve.
I turn and walk back into the bedroom.
Olympia is sitting back against the headboard, our daughter in her arms. She looks exhausted and very pale, but her eyes are glowing so bright it makes my heart hurt.
I sit on the bed beside her and as the doctor leaves, I meet her steady gaze. ‘Don’t leave me, dragonfly,’ I say roughly. ‘Please stay. Stay for me.’
Her brow creases. ‘I’m not going anywhere, you idiot. I told you I wouldn’t.’
I reach out and push a lock of hair behind her ear. ‘I am an idiot,’ I agree. ‘Your brother told me that if I don’t spend the rest of my life making you happy, he’ll gut me like a fish.’
Her expression softens. ‘You know I’m not going to demand that you—’
I reach out and lay a finger across her lovely mouth, silencing her. ‘No. You need to demand it. You’re right to demand it. Because you deserve it, dragonfly. And I…’ I stop and take my finger away. ‘I’ve been lying to you and lying to myself all this time. I told you love would never be part of our marriage, but even when I said it, there was a part of me that knew it was already too late. It was too late the moment I saw you in Singapore. I’ve been in love with you since then.’
She blinks, her eyes filling with sudden tears, and our daughter makes a soft sound as if responding to her mother’s distress. But it’s not distress, I can see that now. It’s joy. And I realise that her brother was right. I really will dedicate the rest of my life to making her happy, because I want that joy. I want that joy of hers for ever.
‘You were right,’ I tell her, because I want her to know that I did listen. ‘I did love Dad and I still do, but I can be angry at him as well. And I can love you and still be afraid that it might not be enough.’
Her smile is the second sweetest thing I’ve seen today, the first being our daughter. ‘Of course it’s enough,’ she says huskily. ‘You’re here, aren’t you? That’s enough for me. That’s all I ever wanted.’
My heart is painful inside me and it takes me a minute to understand that joy can be painful too, a beautiful, bittersweet pain. And I want to kiss her passionately, kiss her senseless, but she’s just had our child and needs more care from me than that. So I satisfy myself with the softest, most gentle kiss I can give her and am rewarded with her sigh of pleasure.
‘Do you want to hold our daughter, love?’ she asks me as I lift my head, her eyes the most brilliant gold.
‘Yes. I thought you’d never ask.’
So Olympia hands me our child, the warm weight of her settling into my arms. Her eyes are dark, like mine, but I swear she has a mouth just like her mother’s.
I settle back beside my beautiful wife and as I do, I realise something.
After my parents died, I didn’t really have a life. I only had revenge. But right here, right now, I do. And it starts with my dragonfly.
EPILOGUE
Olympia
The Christmas treein the corner of the Icelandic lodge that Katla and Ulysses own is huge and the lights on it are twinkling, throwing beautiful colours all over the walls. I’ve hung up the reindeer ornament that Ulysses bought me last Christmas, the Christmas Rafael kidnapped me, and also the angel he bought me this year.
It’s a tradition I’ve passed on to my husband, and now I stand there, holding our daughter, Elena, watching as Rafael hangs the Christmas ornament I made especially for him this year. It’s a dragonfly, of course, and he was absolutely thrilled with it.
My little jewellery business has blossomed and grown, and this Christmas I decided to do a line of very special, very exclusive ornaments. It’s taken off hugely, much to my surprise, and I ended up making a lot more than I anticipated. The dragonfly, though, is special. It’s for him and him alone.
He has made his peace with Ulysses. After Elena was born, Ulysses took Rafael out to his hunting lodge in the mountains of central Greece, and they spent a few days ‘working things out’, or so Rafael said. They came back firm friends, having bonded over their shared involvement with crime families, and also after a knock-down, drag-out physical fight that neither won, but both felt much better after. Honestly, men.
Anyway, I love my sister-in-law, Katla, and she’s sitting on the couch with my brother, the both of them looking like cats who have swallowed the cream.
I know why. Ulysses has told me that Katla is pregnant and I’m thrilled for them.
Elena makes a noise, her little arms reaching for her father, and after Rafael finishes hanging the dragonfly, he comes over to where I’m standing and takes our daughter into his arms. She makes happy sounds, patting her father’s face while he looks down at her, absolutely besotted.
It makes my heart ache to watch them. It makes my heart ache to be here, with all the people I care about most in the world. Where there’s nothing but joy and laughter, and love.
Love is what all of us need most of all.
