‘That’s an understatement,’ I murmur then fall silent, not knowing what else to say. There are so many presents, but I have nothing to give him, nothing at all, and I don’t like that. It feels one-sided. As if I’m still a poor, abused victim who can never be asked for anything because I’m too fragile and too broken to have any kind of demand placed on her.
‘Sit,’ he urges insistently.
Part of me doesn’t want to sit, let alone accept all of these gifts, but he’s obviously gone to so much trouble, I can’t refuse. ‘When you said you’d ordered me a whole wardrobe, you weren’t kidding,’ I say as I sit down in the one clear spot in front of the fire.
‘If it was up to me,’ he says, picking up a large white box and handing it to me, ‘you’d wear nothing at all.’
‘Good thing it’s not up to you, then.’ I take the box from him and he sits on the couch, watching me as I open it.
Inside is the loveliest gown I’ve ever seen. It’s of rich scarlet silk with lots of trailing draperies and I already know it’s going to be the perfect size when I put it on.
‘I thought you could wear that tomorrow,’ Rafael murmurs, his gaze dark and intent. ‘For our wedding.’
Ah, yes. The quickie wedding he mentioned earlier. I wanted to argue with him about the speed of it, but it was clear he’d made up his mind and wouldn’t be moved. So I dropped the subject. He said he didn’t want to fight and I realised I didn’t want to either.
Now, looking at this beautiful gown, I’m reminded again of it. ‘Tomorrow,’ I echo, looking at him.
‘Yes.’ There’s a steely edge in his voice.
Don’t argue with him, not now, not when you’re surrounded by all the gifts he got you. Anyway, what does it matter when you get married?
It doesn’t matter, not in the end. And after all, I did promise him. Still, I feel a little railroaded. It reminds me of the times Ulysses would get me things or do things for me and, while they were always nice things, I would always feel a little annoyed by them, mainly because he would never ask my opinion about whether I wanted them or not. And also because I knew he was getting them for me out of guilt.
Naturally, I’d then feel bad for being annoyed, because it wasn’t as if he was being awful. He was just trying to be good to me and, really, I should be grateful for all that he did for me.
Those complicated, messy feelings hit me again, though it’s different with Rafael. He is the one who kidnapped me, so I don’t have to feel bad for feeling annoyed. And I can say things to him that I’d never say to Ulysses, because Rafael isn’t eaten up with guilt in the same way my brother is. In fact, Rafael was using me as a chess piece in his little game of revenge, so, really, I can say anything I like to him and I don’t have to feel bad in any way.
‘I hope you’re not expecting me to be grateful for all of this,’ I say bluntly.
‘No,’ he answers without hesitation. ‘Why would I expect that? I’m the one who kidnapped you.’
‘But you want me to be grateful for this wedding gown, for the wedding you organised, that you’ll force me to take part in.’
His eyes narrow. ‘I didn’t force you, Olympia. You promised.’
‘You bought me this dress. And you want me to wear it—’
‘I don’t give a shit about the dress,’ he interrupts sharply. ‘I got it for you so you’d have something pretty to wear, but if you don’t want to wear it, I’ll marry you wearing nothing at all.’
My heart is beating fast, the complicated mix of emotions roiling inside me. I’m not sure why I’m challenging him now. Maybe it’s just because I can, because he’s not Ulysses and I don’t have to be careful of his feelings the way I am with my brother’s.
A silence falls. I don’t want to apologise, but I also don’t want to spoil the evening with my own bad temper.
‘What is this all about, dragonfly?’ Rafael asks after a moment, his expression one of genuine puzzlement. ‘Is it the wedding? Or is it all the gifts? I got them all for you, but if you don’t like them, I can ship them all back. I won’t lose sleep over it.’
I let out a breath, and give him the truth. ‘My brother used to shower me with clothes and toys and…all kinds of things. And they were always nice things, but… I never wanted them and I didn’t ask for them, and I knew he was only getting them for me because of his guilt. They weren’t forme, if that makes sense.’
Rafael watches me, his dark gaze enigmatic. ‘And you didn’t like them?’
‘No, it wasn’t that. I did like them. But… I felt I couldn’t tell him even if I didn’t like them, because it would hurt him. I just hated that he felt guilty because of me and so I tried to be grateful, even when I wasn’t.’
There’s a long silence, then Rafael says very clearly, ‘Don’t ever feel that you have to be grateful with me, Olympia. I don’t want a facade. I want honesty.’
He really means that, I can see, and something tight inside me relaxes. ‘You want me to like this dress, though, don’t you?’ I say, only slightly teasing.
He smiles, making me feel warm all over. ‘Yes. I do. But if you don’t, that’s okay.’
Another thing he really means, and I can’t help but smile back, my bad temper fading. ‘I don’t like it,’ I tell him. ‘I love it. It’s beautiful.’
