Rosamund read the sharp planes of his face—they looked harsher than usual—and felt herself melt. Even angry with him, she didn’t want him hurting. She stifled a desperate sob at the inanity of that.Shewas the one in mortal pain.
‘I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but I have. It’s real, what I feel for you.’
He raised his hand to stop her words. ‘But I told you. I made it clear that I don’t do long-term relationships. I can’t.’
‘You did make it clear and I agreed because that was all I expected. I wasn’t looking for love.’ Her voice cracked. ‘I thought that was for other people, not me.’
She’d never said it before, even to herself, but she’d felt she didn’t deserve love. It was only with Fotis that she’d realised, despite her outward confidence, at heart she’d never felt good enough.
That was part of the reason she loved him. He’d made her feel strong and confident as no one had since her mother. He’d challenged her, fought with her, then cared for and supported her. He didn’t belittle, he expected her to shine. He raised her up until she felt shecouldtake on the world as she’d always told herself. Look how he’d just engaged with her about her work. He’d encouraged her, yet all the time…
Her throat jammed as pain overtook her. Finally she found the strength to surge from her seat.
Instead of closing the gap, she planted her feet, grounding herself as waves of anguish battered her.
‘Emotions can’t be controlled by rules, Fotis. My feelings for you sneaked up before I realised what was happening. I didn’tintendto love you, but I do.’
He shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, but—’
‘I’d love you even if we couldn’t have sex again, though that would be tragic. I love the person you are. Complicated and intriguing. I love your loyalty. When you give your word, you mean it. I love your kindness and your drive. That sneaky sense of humour I didn’t think existed at first. I even love it when you go haughty as if your way is the only way, because I know that underneath—’
‘Enough!’ he barked, stepping back as if repelled.
That stole the air from her lungs. Rosamund stood tall but inside she felt herself shrivel. It had been an incredible risk, admitting her feelings, but being with Fotis had made her courageous, willing to put her pride on the line and more importantly, her heart.
Now her certainty faded. Not about her own feelings, they were immutable, but about his. How had she been so wrong? She’d looked into his eyes, felt his tenderness, and believed he felt the same.
He looked at her, aghast, as if she’d turned into a stranger. ‘I’m sorry, sorrier than I say. But I don’t feel the same.’
‘Because you won’t let yourself?’ She angled her chin. ‘Or do you really feel nothing for me?’
He scrubbed his hand around his neck, his scowl deepening. ‘I didn’t say that. I’m not a robot. Of course I feel. I like you, Rosa. I admire you and I’m deeply attracted, you know that.’
‘But not enough.’ Her voice was flat. Helikedher.
She’d thought she understood him. This had begun as an affair but over time it had grown into so much more. She’d beensurehis emotions were engaged too. Perhaps it wasn’t love for him but, she’d believed, it had become something strong and undeniable.
Maybe he had a voracious sexual appetite, lots of lovers, and he made them all feel…special.
She pressed a palm to her stomach as nausea welled.
‘I don’t want to hurt you, Rosa.’
Her gesture cut off his words. He hadn’t hurt her. She’d hurt herself, she realised abruptly.
What was it with her and self-sabotage? In her teens she’d fallen for a charming guy who wanted to get into her pants because it was a way into the royal family. Now she’d fallen for someone incapable of loving her.
Even so, she had to be absolutely, completely sure. ‘I see us together, Fotis, helping each other through the tough times and celebrating the good ones.’ In her mind she’d imagined lots of good times, lots of celebrations. ‘Building our lives together.’
But his closed expression confirmed her worst fears. ‘Weren’t you listening when I talked about my past? There are reasons I’m a solitary person. I need to be alone.’
Except for occasional sex.
All this time she’d imagined a growing bond but all he felt was the pressure to satisfy his libido. To be fair, she’d accepted those terms but then everything had transformed, for her at least.
Rosamund sucked in a shuddery breath and turned to the view, past the sun-baked plain to the village and glittering sea beyond. Above hung the vast blue sky, a reminder that she was merely a tiny speck on an immense globe.
She didn’t need the reminder. She felt herself shrinking, becoming smaller and smaller, wishing she could disappear.
