‘Perfectly.’
‘But how?’ Serena questioned, stunned to hear those words, because she had convinced herself the news would not be good. ‘How is that possible? I was bleeding.’
‘Bleeding is actually very common during the early stages of pregnancy,’ he explained patiently. ‘One in every four or five women experience it, and the majority go on to have a healthy pregnancy. At this time, I’m seeing nothing to suggest that cannot be the case for you too.’ The words prompted a flicker of joy in her heart. She was relieved, most of all, that the baby was OK, but also that her relationship with Caleb was not under imminent threat. ‘You can see for yourself, if you like,’ he offered, angling the sonogram screen that he had been studying intently moments ago so that it faced them. ‘That right there is your baby.’ He smiled, pointing to a small curled shape in the centre of the screen. ‘And this pulsing is his or her heartbeat, which you can hear is steady and strong.’
‘Oh, my goodness.’ Serena launched herself into a sitting position to better see the image, mesmerised by the tiny shape and the sound of its beating heart. Relief and delight poured through her, the image of her baby—safe and there—scattering the remainder of her fear the way light banished shadows. ‘There you are.’ She touched her fingertips to the screen, the tears that now fell solely of delight. ‘My precious little one.’
‘That’s incredible,’ Caleb whispered. ‘Our baby.’
‘I never got this far last time,’ Serena told him quietly. And it was all the more wonderful to share it with him, and smiling into his eyes, it hit her how deeply she had fallen in love with him.
She didn’t know how she hadn’t realised it sooner. She’d certainly been aware of her feelings for him deepening. Her favourite time of day was when he returned home, and her heart fizzed and stomach overflowed every time he looked her way and delivered that slow smile before drawing her close for a kiss. She loved how he always asked about Kit and Alexis when he knew she’d spoken with them, and she loved how he made her feel so safe and cared for that she didn’t always feel as if she had to be superstrong.
Only weeks ago, the thought of falling for Caleb had filled her with dread, but now she feltstrongerfor loving him. For having opened up her heart and letting him into it. He’d healed her, in so many ways, given her back so much of her life, showing her that it was OK for her to need someone and to lean on them.
But would he be willing to give her what she most wanted? A life with him.
Because he had told her explicitly that he didn’t want love in his life, and Serena had promised that neither did she, so how could she now tell him that she had fallen more in love with him than she had ever thought possible?
But how could shenottell him?
Serena hadagreedto a half life at eighteen because she had been vulnerable and scared, and doing so had kept her with Kit and Alexis, so she didn’t regret it. But she’d had to repress so much of herself, her desires and dreams. She didn’t want to deny herself again, and with her fears conquered and her past behind her, now was the time for her to start living a beautiful, full life.
Settling for less was no longer an option
Satisfied that Serena was resting after the ordeal of the morning, Caleb left the darkened bedroom and shut himself in the quiet privacy of the study, leaning back against the door and exhaling the ragged breath that he’d been holding all morning.
Never in his life had he been as scared as he was in that hospital, seeing Serena so pale and frightened, and unsure if he would get to meet his child, and his relief had never been as profound as when he watched the life force of his child pulsing steadily on the small screen. All of that and more still thudded through his chest.
It wasn’t a surprise to Caleb that he cared. Of course he did. How could he not? Living in such close proximity, it was impossible to not develop human feelings, and he had already recognised his arrogance in imagining that he could manage his emotions for Serena and the pregnancy in the same clinical way he handled all else in his life. Even the pretence of a family required some degree of attachment. But caring for them,her, was one thing. It was acceptable. Just.
But the feelings pounding through him were more than that. They were violent and chaotic, desperate and fearful—everything Caleb had never wanted to feel again. The emotion he had spent his whole life avoiding after the pain of his childhood. The agony and the yearning. He didn’t like it. He didn’t want it.
He was happy feeling nothing…happier than when he’d felt everything. As a boy, the loss of his mother and indifference of his father had set loose emotional forces that had tormented him, and he refused to go back to that place of despair, where his feelings had complete control over him and his ability to function—to eat, sleep, live. He wouldn’t allow himself to turn into his father, to become the wreck that he had become, controlled and defined by his torment. His father was pulled back together now, but that recovery had taken the better part of Caleb’s life. He wouldn’t live like that. He’d found a way as a boy to shut down the feeling, to end the agony, and would do so again now.
Forcing himself to sit, Caleb quickly formulated a plan and contacted his assistant with instructions and awaited her confirmation, ignoring the pinches of guilt to his gut. It had to be this way.
He had been so focused on Serena not developing feelings for him that he’d failed to keep watch over himself. He had sensed last night that something was amiss, when he’d prioritised her happiness to take the job…
He had been too liberal with his time and emotions around Serena, and if he carried on in the same vein, he’d be no type of father to his child. He would be no better than his own, trapped in the storm of his own body and of no use to anyone. And how could he support Serena like that? She needed him to be strong so that she could be scared, as had been the case today, and he couldn’t be strong for her if he was roiling inside, agitated with emotion that couldn’t be soothed or contained. Emotion that led to only one place—destruction.
And it wasn’t as if he was reneging on anything, just setting things back to how they were always supposed to have been, with him and Serena living their own lives. Not that telling himself that made him feel any better.
But by the time Chef Pierre was serving their evening meal, the plans were in place and all that was left to do was tell Serena. She was already seated at the table when he emerged, and he was pleased to see the colour had returned to her face. He forced himself to push away the thought that she would lose it again once he’d said his piece.
‘How are you feeling?’
‘Good. Better than I did earlier. And hungry,’ she added, as a plate was set before her. ‘I’m sorry that you missed your meetings today. I know how important they were.’
‘Don’t worry about it. Meetings can be rescheduled. Our baby was more important.’ She smiled at him as she dug into another forkful, but Caleb’s appetite was gone because he knew the moment had arrived. ‘Speaking of that, I’ve arranged for you to return to London tomorrow.’ He ignored the shock that came over her face. ‘I spoke to Dr Newman and explained the situation, and she has time to see you tomorrow afternoon.’
‘Is that really necessary? The doctor here said there was no reason for alarm. And I feel fine.’
‘Dr Newman is the best in her field. I’d be happier if you saw her and got her opinion. And she is your primary physician.’
‘OK,’ Serena assented. ‘I’ll go to London, spend the night, see Kit and Alexis and come back the next day.’
‘You don’t need to do that. Once you’re back in London, you should stay, get settled into the house. I’ve been assured its ready for us.’
