‘No. And after she left, my father removed everything that was a reminder of her.’
Her fingers curled around him. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘You must have plenty of memories of your mum,’ he said, neatly redirecting the conversation because he had no desire to dig any deeper, and Serena nodded. ‘Tell me about her?’ he asked, knowing from the way her voice changed that she loved speaking of her mother and hadn’t had enough opportunity to do so.
‘She was beautiful. Vivacious. The most fun person in any room, with the biggest smile and most stunning laugh. Sometimes, I still think I can hear it.’ Her smile was wistful. ‘She could make even the dullest day fun. And the way my father used to look at her…he adored her.’ She paused, hesitated, looked up at him. ‘I think that was the worst thing about living without her, that the house seemed so quiet, so lifeless, as if all the happiness had gone, which in a way it had.’ She looked down at the cobbled ground. ‘We muddled on, my dad and I and the babies, but it was never the same. It’s probably why whenever I do feel happy now, I’m always waiting for the bottom to fall out of it.’
‘You can be what she was to you, to our baby though.’
‘I hope so. She was a really good mum. I know Marcia always thought she sounded too spontaneous and lively to be a good parent—which I think was always why it hurt so much when she accused me of being the same way, because she really was the best. She had a joy that not many people have. I was actually thinking that if we have a girl, we could name her after my mum. Not necessarily her first name, maybe a middle one…but it would mean a lot to me.’ Her nervous flow of words ended with a look of hope.
‘What was her name?’
She smiled. ‘Francesca.’
Caleb nodded. ‘That’s beautiful. It’s a perfect idea.’ Her smile was brighter than the sun, and Caleb could only stare, captivated, delighted at making her beam so widely.
Leaning down, he stole a kiss from her lips. ‘What was that for?’
‘I just wanted to.’
And he wanted to do it again, and again, to have that sweetness of her mouth permanently on his to lips to savour. Instead, he threaded his fingers with hers and resumed their stroll, uneasy thoughts buzzing around the edges of his mind, because he’d told himself he would get her out of his system, had justified their intimacy on those grounds, but the ways he craved her were only intensifying. And that wasn’t the worst of it. The worst was that in certain moments, he was no longer sure that getting her out of his system was something he wanted at all.
Serena hadn’t thought the day could get more enjoyable after their morning exploring the charm of the medieval town, but as midday approached and they continued on their journey around the coast, they sailed into a secluded cove to enjoy a luxury picnic lunch on the narrow curve of sand. They were sheltered from any view by the most spectacular wall of rock, and azure waters glittered ahead of them as far as the eye could see.
The picnic had been provided by one of the restaurants back in Villefranche-sur-Mer, boasting rustic baguettes with pâté, quiche Lorraine, a pan bagnat, a selection of fruits and miniature lemon meringue tarts, the taste of which exploded on her tongue. She couldn’t have painted a more idyllic day and was touched that Caleb had gone to so much trouble to arrange it. However, Serena took care to remind herself that it wasn’t done solely for her or from the goodness of his heart. He had, no doubt, considered a sighting of them on a typical honeymoon outing would consolidate their fictitious love story. She wasn’t under any illusions as to how important it was to him that the world perceive their marriage as real, that they ensure that protection for their child, and now that she knew about his mother leaving him as a small boy, she understood it a lot better. He wanted to ensure that their child never experienced any of the insecurity or vulnerability that he had felt. Knowing that he had ever felt that way made her heart sore.
Serena had wanted to ask him more about that time in his life, to uncover just how significantly his mother’s leaving had impacted him. In those circumstances his relationship with his remaining parent would have become all the more significant, but it was clear from his words, that his father had been too lost in his own agony to have any time for Caleb’s. Was that why Caleb didn’t want anything real? His view of love and relationships had been coloured by the breakdown of his family, seeing only loss and anger and pain where there should have been love. Had he felt too much negative emotion himself to want to risk opening up again? And to have blamed himself…it was little wonder Caleb had felt so guilty about Charlotte when in his mind that was the second time he’d been responsible for a tragedy, and even less surprising that he’d shut down even more afterwards. But maybe, with a little time and encouragement, he could get comfortable opening up again, for the sake of their child if nothing else. Serena hoped that he’d heard her when she said it wasn’t his fault, but she wasn’t sure. And she knew any further questions would be out of bounds, and the last thing she wanted was to upset the closeness they had created.
Caleb was not a man who yielded easily, but he had yielded on that, and she definitely didn’t want that to change, she thought, watching him emerge from the sparkling aqua waters from his swim, looking like a deity who’d descended from another world. Her eyes clung to him as he ran up the sand towards her, sleek, bronzed and muscled with droplets of water clinging to every ridge of hard muscle. Her mouth ran dry as feeling exploded along her veins and gathered low in her stomach.
How was it possible that a man, mere flesh, blood and bone, could be so spectacular? Her body grew hotter, that single glance conjuring a need, a hunger, that was unlike anything she’d ever known. Her body yearned for his touch, for the feel of him above her, just as her mouth ached for one of his deep, devouring, kisses, and thinking it, her nipples pulled tight and taut, her corethrobbing.
Almost as if he knew the effect he was having, his eyes gleamed as he dropped down on top of her, tempting her with his closeness and lightly kissing her lips, smiling as he did, teasingly pulling back as she leaned in for more.
‘Come in the water with me—it’s beautiful,’ he said in between light kisses.
‘I’m rather enjoying the view from where I am right now. Maybe in a little while.’
‘Now,’ he commanded. ‘You can either come willingly or…’ He let the slow smile imply the rest.
‘Or?’ she prompted laughingly.
‘Or I’ll just do this.’ Scooping her up in one effortless move, Caleb sped back towards the water, not stopping until they were chest-deep. Her laughing ceased only when his mouth covered hers, and he didn’t break the kiss until she was gasping for air. With her legs wrapped around his waist, she felt the hard press of his erection and almost groaned, the feel of it sending shock waves crashing through her and igniting the same scorching need as always at her core. Serena hadn’t known that desire could be so beautifully painful. Nor could she quite believe that he wanted her as much as he did.
At least for now. She knew there was no promise of permanence. At the most she’d have a few years of the sensational pleasure he could deliver. At worst—until his desire waned.
It shouldn’t hurt so deeply. It was what she had agreed to and all but instigated, after all. But perhaps, at times, she hadn’t been as watchful of her thoughts as she should have been, gazing into the future and seeing life in a way she hadn’t been capable of for the longest time. Seeing herself and Caleb and their child, a little family. Growing together, happy together. But it wouldn’t be that way forever, would it?
Comforting rather than scolding herself, Serena accepted that it was understandable, but cautioned herself against indulging those daydreams going forwards. She had to keep a tighter rein on her thoughts, and perhaps her feelings also. Happiness was a beautiful thing, and she was enjoying this period of it, but it never lasted. The bottom always fell out eventually, and she had to remain pragmatic to be sure she didn’t end up crushed when it did. Because she’d been broken before, in so many ways, and had meant it when she said she had no interest in that happening again.
‘If the plan is to make it to Monaco at some point this afternoon, shouldn’t we be getting back to the yacht?’ she prompted, with that in mind.
His eyes drifted to her lips. ‘Fifteen more minutes isn’t going to hurt,’ he said, seizing her mouth eagerly as beneath the water his hand slid between her legs, under her bikini, and she arched, clinging to his shoulders even tighter, resistance impossible as she became his whole focus.
Fifteen more minutes definitely, she conceded as his fingers stroked her to realms of incredible pleasure. But would that be enough? Would there ever be a time when Serena could say enough? Now that she knew Caleb’s touch, how deeply it could penetrate and move her, would she ever be able to stop wanting him? She’d meant every word of her promise when she’d made it—to both him and herself—but Serena was no longer so sure it would be quite so easy to keep.
CHAPTER TEN
