‘Can I ask you a question?’
Lukas shrugged but there was caution in his eyes.
‘What did you mean earlier when you said the pill didn’t matter?’
That look of caution cleared away, but Lukas still took a step back and shoved his hands into his pockets. She tracked the movement, knowing she should pay attention but his physique was distracting. She forced herself to look him in the eye as he explained.
‘It wouldn’t matter if you were on the pill, Katherine, because I’ve had a vasectomy.’
Well, that wasn’t what she was expecting.
‘You don’t want children?’ Katherine’s heart was racing now. Nearly everyone in her circle criticised her choice but maybe Lukas was like her in yet another way. It made her hopeful but also wary because she really didn’t need to see more ways that they were alike.
‘No.’ His answer was unequivocal, and it made Katherine want to cry because someone could understand her.
‘I don’t either,’ she said through a lump in her throat.
He nodded, coming closer. ‘I understand.’
‘You don’t need an explanation?’ she whispered.
‘No.’ He brushed her hair behind her ear, a soft look on his face. ‘You’re an adult. You know best what you want and need. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Ever.’
Acceptance. It broke her apart and put her back together in a different way. A happier way. Now she wanted to explain to Lukas because he hadn’t asked. He didn’t feel entitled to tell her how to live her life, and she wanted to confide in him.
‘My mother doesn’t understand that. I don’t want to disappoint her. She wants grandkids and is pressuring me for them, but I never want to be like her. I don’t want to settle for a life that is only partially fulfilling. I don’t want to give up friendships and I don’t want to sacrifice my dream, my career I’ve worked so hard for, for a family and children that don’t even appreciate or understand the sacrifice. And that’s what a relationship is to me—a sacrifice. A threat to everything I’ve built. I don’t want that. I don’t even have pets. My plants are made from building blocks. I want a life where I’m free to go anywhere. Travel with Alpha One and then some more outside of it. I don’t want to be tied down. But I also don’t know how to make her anything but disappointed in me.’
Lukas shook his head as if he could make the words less true. Katherine wished he had that power. There was a softness in his grey eyes that offered her comfort but also reflected no small amount of hurt. He stood so close to her that they were all she could look at. He blocked out the room, standing between her legs as close as it was possible.
‘My parents’ divorce was entirely my fault,’ he said. ‘If it weren’t for me and my racing, my mother would never have left. I know that. And I know she blames me. I try to financially support her to make up for it but I know it’s not enough. And when the divorce and my relationship with her became news, I was confronted with that every time I switched on the TV or went online. It’s why I can’t let the media in. Because then people would see how selfish I am, that I sacrificed my father’s happiness for my own gain. I’d rather stay private so no one else has to know that but me and my mother.’
Katherine brought her hand up to touch his cheek and her heart soared at his infinitesimal lean into her caress. She’d bared a part of her soul to Lukas and he didn’t judge. He didn’t offer unsolicited advice or tell her she was wrong. He’d shown her that he understood what a complicated relationship with a parent was like. That he saw her vulnerability and offered a piece of his own.
And now she understood why he hated the media so much. They didn’t often look at him like a human. He was a celebrity. A public commodity for them to pry into and he was afraid that people would see him like he saw himself. They both had proud fathers and disapproving mothers, and she had to admit, she would hate for people to uncover that about her. It would hurt every time someone spoke about it.
Katherine realised how different the real Lukas was to the person the media portrayed him to be. She liked this man.
She kissed him softly on his lips. Her body tingled at the connection.
‘Lukas,’ she breathed and was met with a ferocious kiss. A kiss that made her mind go blank and her body light up like a Christmas tree.
‘I have to confess something,’ he said in between kisses. ‘That day three years ago in the paddock, I thought you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I walked away because I didn’t want to talk to you. I didn’t want to hear your voice or risk being charmed by you. I’d just had a relationship fail despite how much we loved each other, because I was so set on every part of it being in private. I couldn’t be attracted to you when I was in a bad place. When you were the last person on earth I would ever consider being with.’
She rested her forehead against his. ‘Because I’m a journalist.’
‘The media has never been my friend, Katherine. I don’t need the world prying into my life, analysing everything about me.’
They were so different. Wanted different things. Trusted different people. And as long as she was a journalist he would never trust her.
And she was never going to sacrifice her career for anyone. Least of all him.
‘I don’t know why you’re so against the world getting to know you, Lukas. Everything I see makes me want to know you even more. Everything I uncover blows me away. I’m glad we got stuck here. I’m glad I’m getting to know you like this. You’re extraordinary, why do you want to hide? You’re not the one who needs to feel guilty or apologise, but your mother should. She owes you an apology.’
‘That’s not why I’m telling you this.’ He cupped her face, urging her to listen carefully. ‘I can’t be with you, Katherine. I value my privacy too much, that won’t change. I gave up on a relationship because of the media, and after losing her, I won’t enter into another relationship while I’m in the spotlight. Your career will always be in the way, but you’re a drug and I’m addicted to you.’
He was right, on both counts. Their chemistry wouldn’t be ignored. ‘So we can have this time. Just until we’re rescued and after that…’
‘I’ll go back to my life and you go back to yours,’ he said.
