“So,” Carrick says, and I ready myself for his next words. He’s so predictable at this point that I could almost mouth them along with him.
“Are you seeing anyone?”
“You know I’m not.”
“And don’t you think that’s a shame?”
We’re walking past a bakery, and the warm, inviting aroma of freshly baked bread makes my stomach howl.
Unsurprisingly, the hunger pangs don’t improve my already dark mood.
I narrow my eyes at Carrick. The only reason he’s continuing this line of questioning is because I’m the only woman he knows who doesn’t blush and stutter when he’s around.
“No.”
Ignoring Carrick’s wounded expression, I consider my route to Mataras. The Thorn’s residents rely on a system of favors and debts to get what we need. Leofric owes me a favor, and since Harriston owes Leofric a favor—and Harriston also regularly travels to Mataras to trade for leather—I’m hoping Leofric will get me a ride in Harriston’s cart.
“It’s beenyears, Velle.”
And just like that, Carrick has crossed a line. My nails cut into my palms and I force my hands to unfist. “Stop.”
Carrick shakes his head at me. “I know you both liked to think you were fated or something. A great love story. All I can see is that heleftyou, and instead of moving on, you’re frozen in time.”
His words slice and slash, carving away pieces of me. The pieces I need to function.
Of course it would be today of all days when Carrick decides on a full-fledged attack. I pick up my pace, barely avoiding a horse and cartas the owner curses at me. If I don’t make it to Harriston before he leaves, I’ll have no way to get to Mataras.
My head spins as Carrick pushes me back against the closest wall. “He isnever. Coming. Back.”
I shove him in the chest. “Don’t you think I know that?”
“I think part of you still hopes for it.” His expression is agonized.
“Then you don’t know me at all.” If I ever saw Ti again it would take everything in me not to kill him.
Knocking Carrick’s hands away from me, I pivot, stalking back down the street.
“Did you ever think maybe I don’t wantanyone? I’m doing just fine.”
He lets out a hoarse laugh. “Fine? I haven’t seen you smile for six years. You’re hard and cold. You can’t just push everyone away for the rest of your life.”
My breath shudders out of me. Carrick takes hold of my wrist, a shark smelling blood. “Life doesn’t have to be this difficult. Marry me, and we’ll leave. We’ll take the twins and go somewhere warm.”
He could make it happen. His father is one of the wealthier residents of the Thorn, but Carrick has never relied on his family’s money. No, he’s worked since he was old enough to dream of getting out of this place.
He’s offering me everything I want. Except I used to fantasize about hearing those words before—long ago, from another man.
I shake my arm warningly, and Carrick lets me go with a rough curse. “I won’t wait for you forever, Arvelle. I want a family someday. I want it with you, but if you’re determined to waste away in this place …”
I stop, pushing a strand of dark hair off my face. “Enough.” My voice comes out weaker than I expected. The problem with Carrick is that he knows me too well. He knows how much I hate it here. He knows I’ve always longed to see the markets of Hillian, the fortress of Direcliff, the Sirensong Isles.
But I can see exactly how this will go. I’ll put my trust in him. Worse, I’ll trust him with my brothers too. I don’t have another heartbreak in me. When it falls apart, I’ll fall apart too.
“I’ve got to go.”
A muscle ticks in his jaw. “You’re making a mistake.”
Probably. Sometimes it feels like all I do is make mistakes. Why should this be any different?
