“Not good enough.”
“Let’s just talk about this.”
“No.”
“Vas!”
“You’re my bondmate. We may not have fully bonded, but that doesn’t mean it’s not the truth.”
“Vas, I love you. I love you so much, it terrifies the shit out of me. And because I love you, I won’t let you give up half your life-span for me. This world is better with you in it.”
He wasn’t listening. “Why don’t you want to be with me?”
“Don’t you dare manipulate my feelings like that.”
Betrayal flickered in his gaze, and some of my fury drained away. It wasn’t manipulation. He truly thought I was choosing not to be his. “Idowant to be with you, Vas.”
“But only for a few decades. Then you’ll turn to dust. You’llrot, Mere.”
Well, there was nothing like a demon to make you think long and hard about your mortality.
I held up my hand. “Let me think about it. It’s a huge decision. It means I’m taking you down with me when I die. Just give me a few days.”
“Fine. While you’re thinking long and hard about whether you want to tie yourself to me for that length of time, consider what it would do to me to lose you, too.”
I glowered at him. “That’s not fair.”
“I want to spend my life with you, Mere. I’ll play as dirty as I need to until you see things my way.” He gave me a slow grin, but I could see the hurt still in his eyes.
I walked over to him and guided his head until it was against my stomach. I stroked his hair, hoping to give him a little comfort, at least. He wrapped his arms around my waist.
Hundreds of years of this. Of waking up and seeing Vas’s smile every day. But every day would represent another day that he didn’t get to have, because he’d chosen me.
I could see his smile every morning for centuries. Could listen to his laugh every day. Could maybe even have children with him one day. I opened my mouth to tell him I’d do it. Then I snapped it shut. This wasn’t the kind of decision I should make alone. How would Samael and Danica feel to know their friend, their brother, had cut his life-span in half?
The music playing in the bar lowered, and I mentally thanked Orin. Then I took Vas’s hand and led him to bed. I curled into him, wishing I could take some of his pain.
“I was an angry kid,” Vas said suddenly. I lifted my head off his chest.
“I can’t imagine that.”
He guided my head back down, caressing the back of my neck with his fingers, finding knots I hadn’t known I’d had.
“Oh yeah. I was filled with rage at everything Daimonion had taken from me. And everything Lucifer had taken from Samael. I was too young to remember my parents, but Samael saw his family killed in front of him. I couldn’t understand how he functioned. How the rage wasn’t eating him alive. And then I realized it was because he was channeling all that rage into vengeance, and I decided I’d do the same. I convinced Ag to start training me, younger than most demons are trained. I think I would’ve gone down a dark path if it weren’t for Dean.”
“I’m glad he was there for you. And you were there for him.”
“I don’t know what I’ll do without him, Mere. It hurts so fucking much.”
I brushed my lips against his, hoping he’d sleep tonight. Even just for a few hours, anything to give him some relief from the pain.
“Thank you for being here,” he whispered.
“Always, Vas.”
* * *
Meredith
