He sighed and sat next to me.
“It was merely an ancient demon encountering jealousy for the first time.”
I gaped at him. “Whatare you talking about?”
“You don’t see it.” He laughed, but not like it was funny.
I pushed both hands into my hair, frustrated behind reason. “See what?”
“He is the kind of man you would have chosen. One day when you were ready. He is the type who would be loyal and honorable, he also works a demanding job, and he would understand yours. You have chemistry.”
I gaped at him, searching my mind for this mythical man. Samael had gotten pissed in the evidence room. “Nelson and me? Are you drunk?”
“Not chemistry like ours. Not even close. But a spark. A spark that would be a comforting fire on a cold night if given the chance.” He bared his teeth. “You will never have that chance.”
“I didn’t ask for the chance!” I threw my hands up in the air. “You’re being completely unreasonable. You’re mad because of some imagined chemistry with a guy I’ve met a few damn times.”
His wings rustled. “Don’t negate my instincts. Iknowyou.”
I blew out a breath. It wasn’t just anger or jealousy I could sense from him. It was… hurt.
“I don’t want anyone else. You’re the most frustrating man I’ve ever met, but you’re mine. And I’m yours.”
I shifted closer to him, raising my hand until it rested on his cheek. “What is this really about?”
He was silent for a long moment, lost in thought. I waited him out, and he finally heaved a sigh, raising his own hand, until it mirrored mine, warm against my cheek.
“I will forever know that you didn’t come to me on your own terms. That I had to force you into a bond you never wanted, and chip away at your defenses one by one. That I wore you down until you admitted you had feelings for me. That I pushed my way into your life and refused to leave.”
“Well, yeah. What’s your point?”
A ghost of a smile crossed his face, but his eyes were serious. “It is… unnerving to know that I did it all wrong with you. That no matter how much longer I’ve been alive, I failed to see the signs that I wanted you for myself, the moment I saw you.”
He glanced away. “I know what everyone says about us. That you were forced to be mine, and that if you could, you’d be free. And I know that even if you asked for your freedom, I could never let you go.”
I shook my head. “I don’t believe that. Maybe at first, but you’ve changed. You do things because you want me to be happy. If you really thought I’d be miserable with you for eternity, you’d let me go.”
He frowned at me. “Maybe I’d take you any way I could, even if it meant we were both miserable.”
I smiled up at him. I was forgetting that this was all new to him too. Feeling vulnerable. Being in love with someone so completely different. He’d been alive for so long, and the time he’d known me was merely a blip during that long life.
“I don’t want some human cop,” I said carefully. “I’m sure, in some alternate universe, there’s a reality in which you and I never meet, and I settle down with a nice, normal man one day. Just like there’s a reality in which you fall in love with a gorgeous, long-lived woman like Lilith or even Mariam. But wedidmeet. We have enough issues to work on without thinking about what-ifs.”
He was silent for a long moment. “I never wanted to feel this way.”
I laughed. “Well, me neither.”
“But it’s worth it. For you.”
“Right back atcha. Are we okay?”
He nodded. Then he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck. My possessive, terrifying demon held me for a long time. And I held onto him right back.
* * *
Samael
I should have felt remorse. Should have worried that letting my little witch see the depths of my desperation for her would give her the upper hand in the ongoing power struggle that was our relationship.
