You’ve got to be kidding me.“No.”
“No, what? I didn’t ask anything. I brought this here to show you how much you mean to me. I’m doing it all for you. I—”
“My answer is no. I don’t want to marry you. Not now and not in the future.” My voice cracks as tears prick my eyes, and I silently thank Nathan for suggesting we come up here.
“Blair?”
“No, Nathan.” I sigh, my heart heavy as I glance away. “Everything is so different here, and I feel like I’ve lost myself. Actually, no, that’s not true. I can’t blame California. I’ve been losing myself since the accident, only I couldn’t see it until now. This may seem out of the blue for you, but I can’t be with you anymore.”
Nathan freezes before his face pales. “What?”
“I can’t be with you anymore.”
“For now?”
“Forever.”
I turn to leave, refusing to let him see me break, but Nathan rushes forward.
“Wait.” He grabs my hand, his calloused skin cold against my own. “Blair. Please. Give me another chance. I’ll meet you tomorrow. Prove to you that I can be on time.”
“It’s not about that.”
“Come home. Please. Don’t make a big decision in the heat of the moment. You’re upset.”
“Actually, I’m not upset about that. Not anymore.”
Nathan frowns, confused, while I see clearly for the first time in years. This relationship isn’t good for me. IlovedNathan. I maystilllove him but I’m notin lovewith him. I deserve more.
“It’s over, Nathan. You’ve had so many chances. I’m sor—” I cut myself off, a soft smile pulling at my lips. If Jenna was here, she’d undoubtedly call me out for apologizing when I’m not in the wrong. “I’m not sorry,” I say instead. “But I wish things had turned out differently. I wish this didn’t have to end.”
“Blair?” Nathan’s eyes well with tears, and I bite my lip to stave off my own.
“No. I can’t. Please let me go.” My eyes drop to his hand in mine and he releases me, stepping back to wipe his eyes.
“Please think about this. Okay?”
“Nathan.”
“Please.”
I can’t handle the devastation in his gaze, so I reluctantly nod, knowing it’s wrong to give him hope. Then I walk toward the entry, my insides crumbling as a hollow feeling takes over me.
“I love you, Blair. So much.”
“I know.”
After pushing through the door, I walk slowly, focusing on my breath as my heavy feet move me. But when the door clicks shut behind me, I run, needing to get away. Reaching the elevator, I press the button in quick succession, praying for it to come.
My chest heaves as I fight back the tears. But while I’m emotionally lost and maybe a little bit broken, I’m lighter than I’ve been in a very long time, and that has to mean something.
Holding my breath, I wait until I’m inside before releasing it slowly and letting myself sink back into the paneling on the walls, my eyes drifting shut.
I did it! I did something for myself. And it’s been a lifetime since I’ve done that.
My phone rings as I step into the lobby, and I stiffen until I see that it’s an unknown number, and I relax. I’m not sure I could speak to anyone I know right now. But a stranger…
“Hello?” I answer to distract myself, my voice cracking. “This is Blair.”
