“No. You shouldn’t have come back here. We said our goodbyes years ago. That was supposed to be our ending.”
“But it wasn’t. I kept my promise. I let you live your life. But then you were there and—”
“It’s not fate, Zane. Don’t try and pretend you believe that.”
“I’m not. I just refuse to let you go again.” My own honesty shocks me, but the second I say it, a weight lifts. It almost killed me leaving her seven years ago. I’m not sure I can go through that again. But also…I don’t want to.
“That’s the thing though…” Blair’s gaze softens and she trails off, releasing a slow breath. “You don’t have me, Zane. There’s nothing to let go of.”
I hiss, her words piercing my chest as my own fight leaves me.
Why does that hurt so much?
CHAPTER TWENTY
Blair
Zane stills, and I find myself doing the same, a breath caught in my throat. For the first time, I think I got through to him. Only now that I have, I feel sick about it.
Throughout this entire conversation there’s been an air of cockiness surrounding him. Actually, it’s always been there. He wears it like armor. Now that it’s gone, I want to take everything back.
“Zane, I—”
“No, I get it. I do, but you can’t deny that it’s weird we ran into each other again, after all these years. I realize what I’m saying sounds crazy. I’ve never believed in that shit, and I still don’t. But you’rehere, standing in front of me. That has to mean something. I think.”
His face contorts and I can’t help but smile at his confusion. This whole exchange is not very Zane-like and he knows it.
“You’re smiling?” He bounces his eyebrows, his own smile forming.
“I am. But you’ve got it all wrong.”
“How so?”
“For one… Technicallyyou’re here. And that’s not by fate. You knew where I was. It’s basically stalking.”
Zane’s smile morphs into a smirk and a little of his cockiness returns. “It’s completely stalkerish, but I wasn’t referring to this. I was talking aboutyoubeing a nurse at the hospital I was taken to andyoubeing at my first game back. Both odd occurrences. Not to mention the fact that you live in California now.”
Letting my head fall back, I look at the sky and count down from three to relax myself.Fucking fate.“If everything happens for a reason then why do I feel like moving here was a mistake? Why can’t I find a job? Why are Nathan and I—”Jesus. Slamming my eyes shut, I wince, cursing under my breath.Why the hell would I say that out loud?
With a sigh, I open my eyes to find Zane staring back at me, concern in his gaze. “Ignore that. I’m going.” I wave over my shoulder as I spin to leave.
“No, wait.” Zane’s calloused fingers curl around my wrist, and a shiver runs through me. “What do you mean you can’t find a job? I thought there was a nurse shortage.”
“Way to rub it in.” I force a grin as he spins me to face him. “Thanks for that.”
“Fuck. No. That’s not what I meant.”
“I know.” I blow out a breath, my cheeks puffing in the process, hoping it will distract me from the pit forming in my stomach. “I’ve been asking myself the same question. But I don’t have enough experience. I havenoexperience in California. It’s like they believe nursing differs between states. I went through the right channels. I filled out all the right paperwork. But no one is hiring.” My cheeks heat with embarrassment and I avert my gaze. “Or maybe they’re not hiringme.”
“Shit.” Zane releases my wrist and I instantly miss the warmth. “I’m sorry. God, you must be hating that.” He runs a handthrough his hair, visibly upset on my behalf. “Staying home was never your thing. Is there something else you can do in the meantime? To get that feeling back?” He glances away, lost in thought, and my lips part in awe at his assessment. His correct assessment. “What about your writing? I imagine that would keep you busy and—”
“What?”
“Your writing?” He frowns, clearly confused by my question. “I know you’re a nurse now. But you were always writing when we were younger.”
“I haven’t written for a long time. It was a silly dream and—”
“What’s silly about it?”
