“No. Confused but not pissed.”
“I’ll take confused. I’m here because I can’t for the life of me push you out of my mind.” I scratch the back of my neck. “Believe me, I’ve tried,” I continue, somewhat under my breath.
There’s a flicker of something in her expression that I can’t read before Blair’s brows shoot up to her hairline. “I think I need a drink for this conversation.”
“Why?”Oh. Once again, I said the wrong thing. “I didn’t mean that I’ve physically tried getting over you. Not the way you’re thinking.”
“It wouldn’t matter if you did.”
“It would matter tome.” It would matter a great deal. “I’m not saying I’ve been celibate since I left because that would be a huge fucking lie. But since seeing you again, my cock hasn’t so much as risen for another woman. It may as well be broken. I feel likeI’m back in my freshman year of college. You know, when I had all those girls throwing themselves at me, and yet, all I wanted was you.”
With softly parted lips that I often imagine brushing against my skin, Blair squints as though trying to see through a smudged pane of glass. Like she’s not quite understanding what I’m trying to convey.
“Sorry if that was the wrong thing to say, but I felt like it needed to be said… In case you were wondering.” I shrug.
“How is it possible?” Blair asks, her eyes wide.
“How iswhatpossible?”
“After everything we’ve been through, everythingyou’vebeen through, you’re still the same guy.”
I huff out a bitter laugh. “Trust me, I’m not. I’m far from the guy I used to be, unless you’re referring to my cocky football persona—that hasn’t changed. But the good guy—the guy only you used to see—he’s stuck back in Jacksonville, haunted by the memory of what could have been. Though I have to admit, with you in my life again, I wish I could be the man you remember.”
Blair’s gaze softens and recognition fills her eyes. She gets it and I wouldn’t be surprised if she felt the same way. She’s quiet for a beat, until another sweet giggle escapes her.
“You know…that might just be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
“Really?” I bite back an incredulous smirk. “Even nicer than when I told you your writing moved me in ways I never thought possible?”
“You remember that?”
“I remembereverything. And that’s not always a good thing.”
“Me too.” Blair nods, her eyes glazing over as though lost in reflection. “Maybe Cade’s right,” she says wistfully. “Maybe we should have tried to get through Sierra’s death together, instead of doing it alone.”
I pause, a ringing in my ears. Like always, at the mention of my sister’s name, my heart wrenches, and a weight settles on my shoulders, grounding me in place. “Maybe,” I choke out, clearing my throat and smiling. “But Cade’s not usually right about anything,” I joke to hide my pain, and Blair sees right through it.
“I just realized the real reason you’re here.”
“I tried to tell you but you shook your head.”
“Oh, no.” She shakes her head again, but this one comes with the suppressed grin, as though she’s mocking me. “You’re here so we can finally talk. We didn’t do it properly back then; we’re doing it now.”
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen.” I force a grin of my own, while inside my heart is pounding so fucking hard that it’s actually hurting my chest. I know what she’s doing. She wants me to say my sister’s name. But I can’t. “I’m more of alive in the presentkind of guy,” I lie. If that were true, I would have kissed her to silence her when I first discovered her giggling behind me. But I couldn’t, because I remember the past.
Blair laughs and if I were to analyze it closely, I’d say it was a little manic and a hell of a lot sad. “You came here,” she says, pointing to the floor. “You came to LA. Unannounced. Even though I basically told you I never wanted to see you again. I—”
“Technically, I announced it. I sent you a message.”
She folds her arms over her chest, her brows pinching in sudden annoyance. “That’s your rebuttal? You’re going with, ‘I sent you a text so it’s all okay.’”
“Do you want me to go?”
Now that she wants me to talk, I want her to say yes, but I know what her answer will be, and I’m breaking out in a sweat because of it.
“No.” She shakes her head. “I want you to stay and talk to me about your sister. I want to know how you feel.”
Fuck. “I think I’m going to go.” I spin on my heel, but Blair’s tiny fists curl into my jacket, holding me in place. At least she thinks that’s what’s happening, but I don’t care much for this jacket.
