Chapter Thirty-Three
Sierra
We stay tangled togetherfor a long moment. He’s still very much inside me while I’m committed to keeping myself wrapped around him indefinitely. Neither of us willing to break the connection.
Eventually, reality starts to seep back in. The hard counter beneath me. The chemical smell mixing with sex and sweat. The faint drip of his photograph above us.
“We should probably…” I start.
“Yeah.” He doesn't move.
“The chemicals?—”
“I know.”
“And someone might?—”
“I know.” He finally pulls back, and the loss of him makes me gasp. His eyes search my face in the red light. “You okay?”
“Better than okay.” I reach up, trace the line of his jaw. “I meant it. What I said.”
“I know you did.” He catches my hand. Kisses my palm. “That's why I'm still standing.”
He helps me down from the counter. My legs are shaky, unreliable. He steadies me with a hand on my hip while we both reach for our clothes in the dark.
I watch him button his jeans. Watch the way the red light plays across his chest before he pulls his shirt back on. Watch and wonder how I ever thought I could live without this.
“Everett.”
He looks up.
“Tomorrow.” My voice is steadier than I expected. “I'll tell them tomorrow. Roman, Caleb, Nolan—all of them. I'm done hiding. I'm done pretending this isn't?—”
“No.”
I blink. “What?”
He crosses back to me. Takes my face in his hands the same way I took his.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but if you choose us, I need you to wait.”
“But I want to?—”
“I know.” He strokes his thumbs across my cheekbones. “I know you do. And you have no idea how much I want to let you. But I can't.”
Confusion wars with hurt in my chest. “I don't understand. I thought this was what you wanted. I thought?—”
“It is.” His voice cracks. “God, Sierra, it's everything I've wanted for eleven years. But an hour ago, I guttedyou.”
I try to look away, but he won't let me.
“An hour ago, I took the most sacred thing you ever shared with me—Eleanor and Jedediah, the initials, that story—and I used it against you. I made you the wall. I made you the reason we couldn't work.”
“Everett—”
“I don't want you making decisions about us while my words are still fresh.” His forehead drops to mine. “While the wounds are still bleeding. I don't want you committing to something because your body's still humming from really incredible darkroom sex.”
A wet laugh escapes me. “It was pretty incredible.”
