But I can't help it.
Because this is for me. He's doing this for me. Every punch. Every broken bone. Every second of violence is because Dmitri touched me. Tried to hurt me. Tried to take what belongs to Ivan.
I try to justify it in my head. Try to make sense of why watching this makes me feel safe instead of scared. Protected instead of horrified.
But there are no words. No logic. Just feeling.
Ivan doesn't stop.
He doesn’t until Dmitri stops moving entirely. It isn’t until the face is unrecognizable. Just meat and blood and evidence of what happens when you touch Ivan Petrov's woman.
Finally, Ivan stands.
His chest is heaving. His knuckles are raw and bloody. He's covered in blood that isn't his. Painted in it. War paint. Victory written in violence.
He turns to me.
And something changes in his eyes. The darkness recedes slightly. The killer falls away bit by bit, leaving only the man underneath.
Ivan.
My Ivan.
He drops to his knees in front of me.
The movement is so unexpected that I almost step back. This man who just killed someone with his bare hands. This Pakhan. This killer. On his knees.
"Lila." His voice cracks. "Fuck. What did he—did he?—"
He can't finish the question.
"No." I reach out and cup his bloody face with both hands. "You came. You found me."
"Always." He's shaking. Actually trembling under my hands. "I'll always come for you. Always. No matter what. No matter where. I'll find you."
He stands and kisses me.
Desperate. Hungry. Like he needs to confirm I'm real. That I'm here. That I'm his.
I taste blood and violence mixed with salvation.
Then he pulls back slightly.
"This is me." The words rush out. Fast and panicked and raw. "This is what I am. What I'll always be. A killer. A monster. This—" he gestures at Dmitri's body without looking at it "—this is what I'll do to anyone who hurts you. Anyone who touches you. Anyone who even thinks about taking you from me."
His voice breaks completely now. All pretense gone. All control shattered.
"You can leave now. For real this time. I won't stop you. Won't follow you. Won't force you to stay." He's gripping my hands like I might disappear. "You can be free of this. Free of me. Go back to your normal life. Date normal men who don't kill people. Be safe. Be happy. Be anything except trapped with a monster."
I look at Dmitri's body. At the blood pooling on expensive carpet. At the destruction. At the evidence of what Ivan is capable of when someone threatens what's his.
Then I look back at Ivan.
This beautiful, terrible man who killed for me. Who tracked me across the city. Who somehow found and boarded a moving yacht in open waters. Who destroyed another human with his bare hands because they dared to touch me.
"Never," I whisper, before my mouth finds his. I taste violence and love so tangled they're indistinguishable. "I want you. All of you. The darkness, the death, the ruin — everything you think I should run from."
"You're sure?" His hands cup my face, gentle despite theblood coating them. Despite what they just did. "You're absolutely sure about this? About me? About what this life means?"
