“You were my first. Do you know what that does to someone? I took us seriously. And maybe I was too young to take something like that serious. But we have a daughter together. It keeps the bond a little heavier than if I had only lost my virginity to you.” She lets out a sigh.
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” I ask, grabbing her hand.
“Because I didn’t want to get hurt again.”
I stare at her with sadness—and regret. “Why would I hurt you again?”
“You broke my trust in a lot of ways. I don’t know if I can trust you to not hurt me again. And that hurts. I wanted us to work so badly. But I knew you needed to work on yourself first. And you did. I’ve seen you change so much. I’m so proud of you. But now look where I’m at. I’m with Liam. We’re engaged.” She pulls her hand out of mine.
Blakely
Kai’s earthy, warm, comforting scent sends my body screaming into pure lust—or maybe love. My mind is running a million miles a minute. It’s a scent I’ve never forgotten. The scent that used to make me feel so safe, and still does at times. That feeling has never gone away. It’s always been here, lingering in the background. I’ve always tried to ignore it. But now he’s here, sharing how he feels. I can’t help but feel what I’m doing here tonight is wrong. Being out here, alone with him, is wrong—but it also feels so right. I love Kai. I will always love him. But I don’t know if love is enough anymore. I’m engaged to another man.
Kai waited for me. But he took a long time before finally telling me how he felt. I thought he was over me, so I started dating other people. Maybe I did wrong by not telling him how I felt. I never thought I would fall for someone else. I always wanted us back together. I wanted our family.
I watched Kai grow into the man he is today. I’m so proud of everything he has accomplished. And yes, I saw the hints, but I thought he was always joking. He never fully came out and said how he felt. Not since he was still drinking. Now I see the pain in his eyes; it matches the pain in my chest. If either of us would’ve said something earlier, we would be together.
Still, I can’t hurt Liam. He’s such a great guy. He doesn’t deserve that.
“You don’t have to marry him, B. You still have time to break it off and give us another chance,” he says, his voice trembling.
Looking at the pain in his eyes is making this hard. “That’s not fair to Liam.”
“That’s not fair to us,” he says in a stern voice.“We had something real, something that didn’t just disappear. You can’t pretend like it’s not still there.”
I hold my breath, hoping this stops the tears from falling. “I waited for you, Kai, but during the time you stopped drinking, you didn’t say anything about wanting us to get back together, so I started dating. I didn’t mean for this to happen with Liam. It just did.”
“I was an idiot. I should’ve told you sooner. I should’ve gotten my act together sooner,” he blurts out, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “I know you waited. But I’m here, B. I’m sitting here, telling you I messed up, and I’m asking for another shot. Don’t marry him because you think it’s too late for us. It’s not. I love you?—”
“Stop!” My voice cracks. “It’s not that simple. Liam... he’s good to me. He loves me.”
“Do you love him?”
His question cuts through the air like a knife, his eyes searching mine.
“Not in the way you loved me. Not like that, B. Can you honestly sit here and tell me you feel the same way about him as you did about us?”
No. I can’t. No one else has ever felt the same as it has with Kai, and those feeling say a lot because we were so young and dumb. Maybe I’m holding onto a past feeling that I need to let go of.
Liam was unexpected. Right when I was giving up, he was there. He opened my heart up again. There is love there for Liam. Am Iinlove with him? Or am I holding onto a life I always wanted, and he’s giving it to me? Even when we got engaged, the tug of emotions was there. I couldn’t place why they were there. Is it because of Kai?
“We were something else, Blakely. You can’t forget that because it’s easier with him. You’re marrying him because he loves you? But do you love him?”
Tears fall from my eyes. “You left me when I needed you the most. How can I trust you won’t do that again?”
He scoots closer, almost closing the gap between us. “Because I’ve changed. I see what I lost, and I’ve spent every day the past few years proving to you I’m not the same man I was. All I want is to make up for everything and give you the life I always promised you. The life you deserve.”
“I don’t know.”
“Can you really marry him, knowing that, deep down, part of you is still wondering what we could be?” His voice softens, but the weight of his words hangs in the air. “If you don’t love him like you loved me, then it’s not right for either of you. He deserves someone who’s all in. And you—” He pauses. “You deserve the kind of love that doesn’t leave you wondering about the what-ifs.”
I shake my head, looking down at my empty ring finger. My mind is spinning. This would have been so much easier if Ididn’t know where Kai stood. Yes, I always wondered what he felt toward me. After all these years, I thought he had gotten over us. I’ve always wondered, but it was easier to push the thoughts away before I knew how he feels.
“You know where I stand, B. Now it’s up to you to decide what you want,” he says, sadness in his voice.
Our eyes lock, and for a moment, the world falls away. Everything else fades into the background, leaving the two of us in our spot that holds so much from the past and what could still be.
Blakely
