It’s Monday night, the day after Halloween. We said little to each other after I got home. Kai asked how it went, and I showed him the pictures I took. I could tell how disappointed he was. The crease between his brows deepened with each photo he looked at.
He didn’t say anything after that. So, I took Amari and myself to our room and got us ready for bed.
I’m hoping it makes him realize what he’s missing out on. I’m still shocked at how much he has changed since Amari was born. It was like the flip of a switch overnight. His behavior was nothing like it was when we first met and started dating. Yeah, we both partied and drank, but when I got pregnant, I had to stop and he stopped with me. I don’t get it. I know some of it has to do with his dad, but every time I bring that up, he gets so upset.
“How are your packets going?” He comes into the kitchen and takes a seat on one of the two chairs we have.
I’m sick of doing homework on the couch or in bed. It’s killing my neck and back. I found a small table and two small chairs at a thrift store to put in our kitchen so I could use them to do my homework. It also helped with feeding Amari because I used to have to sit on the couch and bring her highchair into the living room. It makes the kitchen have less room. I switch the highchair in and out of the kitchen and living room when I need the space. I do wish we had more room.
“Good.”
“You’ve been working on them a lot lately.”
“I’m trying to finish faster.” I can tell when Kai is sorry. Every time he is, he strikes up a conversation with me out of nowhere. Usually, it’s me who tries to smooth things over by conversing first. Lately, I’ve given up and when I don’t talk, Kai will usually come forward to talk. That’s usually weeks later, though. Which isn’t healthy.
“Is there a reason?”
I finish the last question and flip my packet back to the first page. I let out a long sigh and take a sip of my shake. “There is a medical assisting program I would like to get into. I need to get my diploma first.”
“Why the rush?”
Shrugging my shoulders. I haven’t told him how I’ve been feeling lately. He might take it the wrong way, anyway. “I would like to get a job that pays more than minimum wage,” I say, instead of telling him I’m planning in case our relationship ends.
He narrows his eyes at me. “Why do you need a job? That’s why I’m working.”
“It wouldn’t hurt to have extra money.”
“Are you going to leave me?”
“No,” I mumble.
“Is what I do not enough?”
“Your work is enough. Because of you, I’m able to stay home with Amari and finish school here. I want something for myself. That’s all.” I get up from the chair and stretch my back. “Do you want to talk in the living room? My ass is falling asleep on this hard chair.” I take a seat in the living room and cross my legs over each other.
“Are you still thinking of going into nursing?”
“Maybe. I’m hoping this helps me decide since it’s in the same field.”
“That’s good.”
Amari’s cries echo through the apartment. I set my shake on the ground and get up. “I got her.” Kai’s already in the hallway by the time I get up. I sit back down and watch as he brings her into the living room with us.
Her face brightens up once she realizes it’s her dad holding her. Her small lips curve into a smile. It’s crazy to think about the bond babies have with their parents. How dependent they are on us. Their sense of security starts the minute they are born. As Kai cradles Amari into his arms, it makes all the tension go away. As if that one hug he gives our daughter erases all the bad that has happened. It’s so hard for me to beresentful when he’s like this with her. It makes me feel whole. Seeing him with her makes me feel like this is going to work.
“What?” Kai says as he looks at me, staring at the two of them.
“I like it when you are like this.”
“Like what?”
“Present with us. It makes me have hope that our forever and ever will last.”
He reaches out and grabs my hand. “Our forever and everwill always last. I promise.”
Oh, I hope so.
It’s Friday.
